The Flying Dutchman

Parca suna mai bine asa.

All tests came back looking good, and the doctor sits down to discuss the results with the patient. “Well, Eric, physiologically everything looks good. How are you doing emotionally and mentally? Are you feeling content, and how's your faith these days? “God and I are on great terms. He knows that I see so poorly these days, so now whenever I go to the bathroom at night, then ‘poof' - the light turns on! And when I'm done peeing, then ‘poof' - the light turns off again!” “Fantastic! That sounds marvelous,” says the doctor. A couple of days later the doctor calls Eric's wife: “Good day, Anna. Eric's vitals are looking good, and he seems to be doing well. The reason for my call is his relation to God. Is it really true that whenever he goes to empty his bladder at night, then ‘poof' - the bathroom light turns on? And when he's done, then ‘poof' - the light turns off again?” Eric's wife sighs: “That old fool. He has started peeing in the fridge again…”

One day this girl, who is wearing a skirt, goes out to play with her friends. She goes to the park and meets a boy. They talk about climbing trees. The boy says to the girl: “Go on climb that tree.” The girls climbs up and the boy just stands there and looks up to the girls pants. After a while the girl goes home and tells her mum about what happened. Her mum says: “Oh, my stupid girl, he just stood there and watched your pants.” The next day she went out again with her skirt on and met that boy again. He told her to climb again and she did. When she got home she tells her mum what happened again and her mum says: “My stupid girl, he just stood there and watched your pants.” The girl replied and said: “No, actually I tricked him, this time I did not wear any pants!”

A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. So the new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, “ok, old fart, time to retire.” The old rooster replies, “come on, you can't handle ALL these chickens, look what it's done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?” The young rooster says, “Scram! Beat it! You're washed up and I'm taking over.” The old rooster says, “I'll tell you what, young stud, I'll race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop.” The young rooster laughs. “You know you don't stand a chance old man, so just to be fair, I'll give you a head start.” So, they get a chicken to cluck “Go!”, and the old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He's already about five feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. He grabs up his shotgun and BOOM - he blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head, “Dang it… third gay rooster I bought this month.”

La multi ani Sanda, aka @Culbutor!

The wife suddenly noticed that her husband was missing and as they had a lot to do, so she called him on the mobile. The wife said, ”Where are you, you know we have lots to do?!” He said, “You remember the jewelers we went into about 10 years ago, and you fell in love with that diamond necklace? I could not afford it at the time and I said that one day I would get it for you?” Little tears started to flow down her cheek and she got all choked up. “Yes, I do remember that shop….” she replied. “Well I am in the bar next to that.”

Asta si aplicatia pe telefon si esti gata.

When Fred found out he was going to inherit a fortune, when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. “I may look like just an ordinary man,” he said as he walked up to her, “but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars.” Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days later, she became his stepmother.

Aparent viitorul e cu curu-n sus.

Salut! In loc sa te complici cu asa ceva, mai bine iti instalezi o aplicatie cu posturi radio pe telefonul mobil si ai rezolvat-o cu costuri zero.

Good point!

Eternele discutii de pe forum in urma unui accident. Daca a fost un necunoscut e selectie naturala. Daca a fost cineva cunoscut, e de vina guvernul Vacaroiu sau Stefan cel Mare. Daca mai era si membru fruntas pe forum, oricine poate fi de vina in afara impricinatului.

Il scurteaza in distanta sau in timp?

In a convent in Kenya, the 98-year-old Mother Superior lay dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They tried giving her warm milk to drink but she refused it. One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Then, remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey that had been received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk. Back at Mother Superior's bed, they held the glass to her lips. The frail nun drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had finished the whole glass down to the last drop. As her eyes brightened, the nuns thought it would be a good opportunity to have one last talk with their spiritual leader… “Mother.” The nuns asked earnestly. “Please give us some of your wisdom before you leave us.” She raised herself up in bed on one elbow, looked at them and said: “DON'T SELL THAT COW.”

Reciproca e valabila.

Three old men were sitting on a bench when a reporter approached them. “I wonder if you three would be willing to do an interview and tell me your secret to long life,” the reporter asked. The three old men agreed and the reporter asked the first old man his secret to long life. “I never drank alcohol, I never smoked tobacco and I have been married to the same woman for fifty years.” “That's really remarkable!” said the reporter, “And how old are you?” “I'm 93,” said the first old man. The second man was asked the same question on his secret to long life. “I drank on occasion, I smoked, but not often and I dated some.” “And how old are you?” asked the reporter. “I'm 91,” said the second old man. Finally, the reporter approached the third old man and asked his secret to a long life. “I dated every woman that would go out with me, I drank until I passed out and I smoked three packs of cigarettes a day.” “Wow!” said the reporter, “And how old are you?” “29,” replied the third man.

A group of male friends, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons because the waitresses had big breasts and wore mini-skirts. Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons because the waitresses were attractive. The food and service was good and the beer selection was excellent. Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons because there was plenty of parking, they could dine in peace and quiet with no loud music, and it was good value for money. Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons because the restaurant had no steps and had a toilet for the disabled. Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons because they had never been there before.

Nu e Goaie, asta care a dat coltu' pare mai tanar din ce am citit in "presa noastra de ziare". https://hotnews.ro/motociclist-decedat-in-urma-unui-accident-de-circulatie-in-sectorul-4-din-capitala-1753903

Experienta mea pe scutere electrice este zero, asa ca nu pot sa exprim o parere competenta in ce priveste fiabilitatea lor. Probabil ca sunt facute in Asia, da.

La mulțean @Lucian_M!

Buna seara, Pentru persoanele scunde, avantajul la Vespa, spre deosebire de un scuter modern, este ca saua este ingusta in partea din fata si se poate ajunge mai usor cu picioarele pe sol. Majoritatea scuterelor au saua sub 800mm inaltime, insa aceasta este lata si asta face dificil sa pui ambele talpi jos cand stai calare. Diferenta de greutate la Vespa este foarte mica, sub 10kg intre 50 si 250cmc, una de 50cmc are cam 115kg la plin, cea de 125 cam 122kg. Partea buna este ca au centrul de greutate jos si este mai greu sa le trantesti de pe loc sau cand le plimbi prin parcare. Daca nu te grabesti foarte tare, mai bine astepti sa se reglementeze complet aspectele legale si iei unul de 125. Raman celelalte dezavantaje pe care le-am mentionat, rotile mici si lipsa spatiului de depozitare. Cel mai bine este sa mergi la dealer si poate ai noroc sa gasesti una pe stoc sa vezi cum stai pe ea. Succes!

A wife decides to take her husband, James, to a strip club for his birthday. They arrive at the club and the doorman says, “Hey, James! How ya doin’?” His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before. “Oh no,” says James. “He’s on my bowling team.” When they are seated, a waitress asks James if he’d like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, ”How did she know that you drink Budweiser?” “She’s in the Ladies Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them.” A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around James, and says “Hi, James. Want your usual table dance, big boy?” James’ wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. James follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book. The cabby turns his head and says, “Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, James.”

Buna seara, Ceea ce cauti are un nume: Vespa. Partea buna este ca gasesti de 50cmc si 125cmc, primele le poti conduce deja, pentru cele de 125 trebuie sa mai astepti putin. Sunt de cumparat in Romania, chiar e un dealer bun in Bucuresti - https://thebikehub.ro/; iar aici vezi modelele: https://www.vespa.com/ro_RO/#. Vestile proaste sunt mai multe: - nu gasesti asa ceva in bugetul pe care l-ai alocat; - nu au spatii de depozitare; - au roti mici. Pe scurt, sunt bune de folosit de colo-colo in oras, dar nu poti cara lucruri cu ele mai mari decat o sacosa, iar rotile mici te penalizeaza in conditiile de drum din Bucuresti. Presupun ca la bani mai poti urca un pic.

A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner. This is her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty little fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poot. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the women's feet, and said in a rather stern voice, “Ginger!” The woman thought, “This is great!” and a big smile came across her face. A couple minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip. The father again looked at the dog and yelled, “Dammit, Ginger!” Once again the woman smiled and thought, “Yes!” A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing. Again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, “Dammit, Ginger, get away from her before she shits on you!”

A man just bought a new Ferrari and he decides to take it out for a spin. As he's driving, he starts speeding down the road that he's driving. He suddenly notices a police car is behind him with his lights flashing and siren wailing. The man floors the gas pedal and takes off. A few moments in the speedy chase the man thinks, “What the hell am I doing? This isn't worth going to jail!” He pulls over and the cop approaches the car. “Listen, we both know that you were speeding. My shift is over in 5 minutes and if I write you a ticket, there's going to be paperwork that I don't want to do. If you can give me one good reason as to why you're speeding, I'll let you go.” The man thinks for a moment and says, “Well officer, just recently my wife decided to run off with a police officer and when you were chasing me, I thought you were bringing her back.”