The Flying Dutchman

Ceva de genul asta: https://motociclism.ro/topic/768611-suzuki-rv-125-van-van-an-2016/

Sa o stapanesti sanatos, kilometri multi si ani indelungati!

My husband and I were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theatre. Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a ‘night light’ and the answering machine, then put the cat in the backyard. When our cab arrived, we walked out our front door and our rather tubby cat scooted between our legs inside, then ran up the stairs. Because our cat likes to chase our budgie we really didn’t want to leave them unchaperoned so my husband ran inside to retrieve her and put her in the back yard again. Because I didn’t want the taxi driver to know our house was going to be empty all evening, I explained to him that my husband would be out momentarily as he was just bidding goodnight to my mother. A few minutes later he got into the cab all hot and bothered, and said, to my growing horror and amusement, as the cab pulled away, “Sorry it took so long but the stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her arse with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off so I grabbed her by the neck and wrapped her in a blanket so she wouldn’t scratch me like she did last time. But it worked! I hauled her fat arse down the stairs and threw her into the backyard… she had better not shit in the vegetable garden again.” The silence in the taxi was deafening…

There, standing in front of a big puddle outside the pub was an old Irishman, drenched, holding a stick, with a piece of string dangling in the water. A passer-by stopped and asked him, “What are you doing?” “Fishing.” replied the old man. Feeling sorry for the old man, the gent says, “Come in out of the rain and I'll buy you a drink.” In the warm ambience of the pub, as they sip their whiskies, the gentleman, being a bit of a superior smart ass, cannot resist asking, “So how many have you caught today?” The old man sipped his whiskey, and said, “You're the 8th.”

Vasile.

Small shopping

A family takes their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems O.K. but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again, she seems O.K. but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning. Later, the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. “So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?” they ask. “It's pretty nice,” she replies. “Except they won't let you fart.”

Elsa, a 97 year old midwife, finally passed away after a long and happy life. When she arrived at the Pearly Gates, St Peter was standing there waiting for her. He said, “Welcome, Elsa. Do you have a last wish before you enter paradise?” “I do,” Elsa replied. “I would like to return to Earth for a few minutes and for once in my life witness a birth where the father is the one who has to endure the pain of having a baby.” St Peter thought this was a reasonable request, so Elsa was sent back to Earth for a short while. She found herself standing in the home of a woman who was just having a baby. While giving birth, the mother seemed to be in no pain whatsoever. The midwife was curious to see how her husband was doing, but was surprised to see him calmly sitting on a chair by an open window, smoking his pipe. “How are you feeling? Aren't you in pain?” the midwife asked him. “Oh no, I'm feeling great,” the husband replied. “But I think we have to call for an ambulance. Our neighbor John is lying out there on the lawn screaming his head off!”