Fun!

[Penetru]

Bollywood...

[The Flying Dutchman]

The Pope, a hippie, and the President of the US were all on a plane that was crashing. The pilots had already jumped to safety and there were only two parachutes left. Without a moment’s hesitation, the President grabbed a pack, yelled “I’m the most powerful man in the universe! I have to survive!”, and jumped from the plane.
The Pope, being the generous man that he is, said to the hippie, “You go ahead and take the last parachute. I’m an old man and I have lived a very full life.”
The hippie thanked the Pope but said, “Don’t worry – we’ll both be fine. The most powerful man in the universe just jumped off the plane with my backpack.”

[Penetru]

Pentru degete, ce nu înțelegeți?

[The Flying Dutchman]

A guy is stranded on a desert island all alone for ten years. One day he sees a speck on the horizon. He thinks to himself, “It’s not a ship.”
The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, “It’s not a boat.”
The speck gets even closer and he thinks, “It’s not a raft.”
Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.
She comes up to the guy and she says, “How long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette?”
“Ten years!” he says.
She reaches over, unzips this waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, “Man, oh man! Is that good!”
Then she asked, “How long has it been since you’ve had a drink of whiskey?”
He replies, “Ten years!” She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on the right, pulls out a flask and gives it to him. He takes a long swig and says, “Wow! That’s fantastic!”
Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, “And how long has it been since you’ve had some REAL fun?”
And the man replies, “My God! Don’t tell me you’ve got a computer in there?”

[Penetru]

[Djebelu']

[The Flying Dutchman]

A blonde has just inherited a ranch but only had two horses.
The problem was she couldn’t tell them apart. So she goes to her neighbor rancher and asks for help.
He suggests cutting ones tail a bit shorter then the other.
She does it but then a week later she comes back and tells the neighbor rancher that it grew back.
So he tells her to tie a different colored string around one of the horses neck.
She does it but a week later the tie slips off and she has to go back to the neighbor.
So he suggest she paint a different color spot on each of the horses.
She does and comes back a week later with cookies. She tells the neighbor rancher, “Here I baked these for you. Your plan worked perfectly. I painted a red spot on the black horse and a blue spot on the white horse.”

[Penetru]

[The Flying Dutchman]

A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. The gas-pumper spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car.
He asks the driver, “What’s up with the penguins in the back seat?”
The man in the car says “I found them. I asked myself what to do with them but, I haven’t had a clue.”
The clerk ponders a bit then says, “You should take them to the zoo.”
“Hey, that’s a good idea,” says the man in the car and drives away.
The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car.
“Hey, they’re still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo.”
“Oh, I did,” says the driver, “And we had a swell time. Today I am taking them to the beach.”

[Penetru]

[The Flying Dutchman]

A guy with a black eye boards his plane and sits down in his seat. He notices immediately that the guy next to him has a black eye, too. He says to him,
“Hey this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes; mind if I ask how you got yours?”
The other guy says, “Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the most massive breasts in the world was there. So, instead of saying, I’d like two tickets to Pittsburgh,’ I accidentally said, I’d like two pickets to Tittsburgh’... So she socked me a good one.
The first guy replied, “Wow! This is unbelievable. Mine was a tongue twister too. I was at the breakfast table this morning and I wanted to say to my wife, ‘Please pour me a bowl of Frosties, honey.’
But I accidentally said, ‘You ruined my life you evil fat slag.'”

[Penetru]

Știți momentul acela când ești cu motocicleta și ți-ai dori să fi fost cu ceva mai mare?

 

 

 

 

[The Flying Dutchman]

A travel agent looked up from his desk and saw an older lady and an older gentleman peering into the shop window, where there were posters of glamorous destinations around the world. The agent had had a good week, and the dejected couple looking in the window moved him to a rare feeling of generosity.
He called them into his shop and said to them, “I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won’t take no for an answer.”
He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five-star hotel.
The older lady and gentleman, as could be expected, gladly accepted and were off.
About a month later, the little lady came in to the travel agency. “And how did you like your holiday?” the agent asked eagerly.
“The flight was exciting, and the room was lovely,” she said. “I have come to thank you, but, one thing puzzled me. Who was that old guy I had to share the room with?”

[Penetru]

[The Flying Dutchman]

A man has returned to his car after coming out of a local shopping centre and notices that his rear bumper is completely bashed in and the back half of his car is severely crushed. He goes to the front to see if there’s any damage there and finds a note on the windshield. Relieved that the other motorist left a note he opens it up and reads it.
It says,
“Dear Sir or Madam, So very sorry about your car. But you see, I don’t currently have insurance so I can’t afford to pay you for the damages. But a crowd was gathering after I had smashed your car and I had to look like I was writing down my name and phone number. And since I couldn’t do that, I decided to write this instead. Have a nice day.”

[Penetru]

[The Flying Dutchman]

A woman is having lunch in a Los Angeles cafe when a man approaches her table. “Excuse me, miss,” the man says, “my wife and I are visiting from out of town. She loves your sandals. She wanted me to come over and ask if you bought those sandals around here.”
“Actually,” the woman responds, “I got them in a shop just about a block from here.”
“Fantastic,” the man responds, “and if I may ask, how much did you pay for them?”
“I paid $250,” she admits.
“Thank you,” the man responds. He walks away and yells to his wife, “She got them in New York!”

[Microbec]

[Penetru]

Să râdem pentru că este adevărat!

[The Flying Dutchman]

A New York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him “What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?”
The Lawyer thought a moment, then said, “A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street.”
Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true.
Saint Peter said, “Well, that’s fine, but it’s not really quite enough to get you into Heaven.”
The Lawyer said, “Wait Wait! There’s more! Three years ago I also gave a homeless person a quarter.”
Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment nodded back, affirming this, too, had been verified.
Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, “Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?”
Gabriel gave the Lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter, “Let’s give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell.”

[Penetru]

[ENEOS]

[The Flying Dutchman]

A guy asked a girl in the library, “Do you mind if I sit beside you?”

The girl answered with a loud voice, “I don't want to spend the night with you.”

All the students in the library started staring at the guy and he was embarrassed.

After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and told him,

“I study psychology and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?”

The guy responded with a loud voice, “$200 just for one night? That's too much.”

And all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock and the boy whispered in her ears, I study law and I know how to make someone guilty.”

[ENEOS]

[The Flying Dutchman]

Three pregnant women are sitting in a cafe having lunch when one of them says, “I know that I'm going to have a boy.”

The other two women think about that for a moment, and then one of them says, “OK, how do you know you're going to have a boy?”

“Well, when the child was conceived,” says the first woman, “I was on top. So I'm going to have a boy.”

They sit and eat for a few minutes more, and then the second woman says, “Well, I'm going to have a girl.”

“Okay,” says the first one, “How do you know you're going to have a girl?”

“Well, when my child was conceived, I was on the bottom. So I'm going to have a girl.”

They sit and eat for a few minutes more, the third woman obviously getting more and more distressed, until finally, she breaks down into horrible sobbing.

“What's wrong, what's wrong?”

The first two women ask with concern.

The third woman manages to stifle her sobs long enough to only say one thing…

“I'm going to have a puppy!”