The Flying Dutchman

A lawyer has a terrible accident. He parked by the side of the road and opened the driver's side door, when all of a sudden an eighteen-wheeler truck came out of nowhere and took off the driver's side door with it. “NOOO! My Jaguar, my Jaguar!” the lawyer screamed, because he knew that no matter how good a mechanic tried to fix it, it never would be the same. A police officer saw the car without a door and came over to check out if the man was OK. The lawyer ran up to him yelling, “MY JAGUAR DOOR WAS JUST RUINED BY SOME FOOLISH DRIVER!” “You're a lawyer, aren't you?” asked the officer. “Yes, I am, but what does that have to do with my car?!?” the lawyer asked. The officer replied, “Ha! You lawyers are always so materialistic. All you care about is your prestige and your possessions. You must have been holding the car door when it got hit - I bet you didn't even notice that your left arm is missing, did you?” The lawyer looked down at his side and exclaimed, “MY ROLEX!”

La care se adauga avantajul substantial oferit de economia facuta la echipament, maieurile si papucii sunt ieftine. On topic, OP poate lua in calcul un adv mare.

Nu dati banii pe prostii! Cumparati chinezarii! Degeaba scriem noi aici ca sunt niste mizerii sinistre, fraierii tot vor pune botu'.

Ati vazut stirea aia cu barbatul din Prahova care s-a dat drept politist timp de 2 ani? Nu? E cam la fel ca stirea cu barbatul din Sibiu care s-a dat drept presedinte timp de 10 ani!

A tourist is picked up by a cabbie in New York on a dark night. After some timer the passenger taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screams, loses control of the car, nearly hits a bus, drives up on the sidewalk and stops inches from a shop window. The driver says, "Look friend, don't ever do that again! You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologizes and says he didn't realize that a "little tap" could scare him so much. The driver replies, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver; I've been driving hearses for the last 25 years."

Speaking with the General It was a dark, stormy, night. The marine was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty. A general stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervous young private snapped to attention, made a perfect salute, and snapped out “Sir, good evening, sir!” The general, out for some relaxation, returned the salute and said “Good evening soldier, nice night, isn't it?” Well, it wasn't a nice night, but the private wasn't going to disagree with the general, so the he saluted again and replied “Sir, yes sir!” The general continued, “You know there's something about a stormy night that I find soothing, it's really relaxing. Don't you agree?” The private didn't agree, but then the private was just a private, and responded “Sir, yes sir!” The general, pointing at the dog, “This is a golden retriever, the best type of dog to train.” The private glanced at the dog, saluted yet again and said “Sir, yes sir!” The general continued “I got this dog for my wife.” The private simply said “Good trade, sir!”

It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby, a pretty hip guy with his own car, goes to pick up his date. When he goes to the front door, the girl's father answers and invites him in. “Carrie's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?” he says. “That's cool,” says Bobby. Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie. Carrie's father responds, “Why don't you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it.” Naturally, this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby, so he asks Carrie's dad to repeat it. “Oh yeah," says Carrie's father, "our Carrie really loves to screw. She'd screw all night if we'd let her!” Well, this makes Bobby's eyes light up, and his plan for the evening is beginning to look pretty good. A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door. About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her father: “Damn it, Daddy! It's called the twist!”

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Ce vrei tu nu exista nou. Ce se invarte in jurul acestui pret sunt chinezarii, vezi postul lui @MotoS Garage. Daca te pasioneaza, dubleaza bugetul. Poti gasi ceva second-hand la 5000, dar exista posibilitatea sa fi fost abuzat grav, cu toate riscurile care decurg de aici. Nu cumparati chinezarii!

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, “I am on my way to a lesson about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late.” The officer then asks, “Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?” The man replies, “That would be my wife.”

A cat dies and goes to heaven. God says “You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask”. The cats says: “Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors”. God says: “Say no more.” Instantly, a fluffy pillow appears. A few days later, six mice die and go to heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that he made the cat. The mice say: “All our lives we've had to run. Cats, dogs and even women with brooms have chased us. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn't have to run anymore”. God says: “Say no more.” And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates. About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks: “How are you doing? Are you happy here?” The cat yawns and stretches and says: “Oh, I've never been happier in my life. And those meals on wheels you've been sending over are the best!”

Bun post @LionEl ! Noi sa o tinem secreta, ca altii o pot mediatiza cat cuprinde! Mai jos, doar un exemplu: https://reporterbuzoian.ro/asa-arata-trans-cislau-noul-drum-spectacol-al-judetului/

A guy knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow. One day he notices he is wearing earrings and is curious about his sudden change in “fashion sense”. He walks up to him and says, “I didn't know you were into earrings.” “Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring,” he replies sheepishly. His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to ask, “So, how long have you been wearing one?” “Ever since my wife found it in my truck.”

An elderly couple talk in the evening: “Honey, I'm so sorry that I let out my anger at you so often. How do you manage to stay so calm with my foul moods?” “I always go and clean the toilet when that happens.” “And that helps?” “Yes, because I'm using your toothbrush.”

David received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an obscenity. Those that weren't expletives, were to say the least, rude. David tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird yelled back. He shocked the bird and the bird just got more angry and more rude. Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the bird in the freezer, just for a few moments. He heard the bird squawk and kick and scream - then suddenly, there was quiet. David was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out and said “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'll endeavor at once to correct my behavior. I really am truly sorry and beg your forgiveness.” David was astonished at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued, “May I ask what did the chicken do?”

Nu s-a pierdut, nu stie ce sa faca, sta si acum si se uita la motocicleta.

Murphy drops some buttered toast on the kitchen floor and it lands butter-side-up. He looks down in astonishment, for he knows that it's a law of nature of the universe that buttered toast always falls butter-down. So he rushes round to the presbytery to fetch Father Flanagan. He tells the priest that a miracle has occurred in his kitchen. But he won't say what it is, so he asks Father Flanagan to come and see it with his own eyes. He leads Father Flanagan into the kitchen and asks him what he sees on the floor. “Well,” says the priest, “it's pretty obvious. Someone has dropped some buttered toast on the floor and then, for some reason, they flipped it over so that the butter was on top.” “No, Father, I dropped it and it landed like that!” exclaimed Murphy. “Oh, my Lord,” says Father Flanagan, “dropped toast never falls with the butter side up. It's a mir… Wait… it's not for me to say it's a miracle. I'll have to report this matter to the Bishop and he'll have to deal with it. He'll send some people round; to interview you, take photos and a statement etc.” A thorough investigation is conducted, not only by the archdiocese but by scientists sent over from the Curia in Rome Italy. No expense is spared. There is great excitement in the town as everyone knows that a miracle will bring in much need tourism revenue. Then, after 8 long weeks and with great fanfare, the Bishop announces the final ruling. “It is certain that some kind of an extraordinary event took place in Murphy's kitchen, (quite outside the natural laws of the universe). Yet the Holy See must be very cautious before ruling it a miracle. All other explanations must be ruled out. Unfortunately, in this case, it has been declared ‘No Miracle' because they think that Murphy may have buttered the toast on the wrong side!”

Sa vedem mai intai daca exista o astfel de lege. Poate o gaseste @Carturaru' prin biblioteca.

The boss calls his secretary and says, “Get ready for the weekend, we are going on a business trip.” The secretary calls husband and says, “Me and my boss are going on a business trip for two days so take care of yourself.” The husband calls his girlfriend and says, “My wife is going on a business trip come home we can have fun.” The girlfriend calls the boy to whom she gives tuition, “No tuition this weekend.” The boy calls his grandfather, “Grandpa at last we can spend this weekend together.” Grandpa (The boss) calls his secretary and says, “Business trip is cancelled, I'm going to spend weekend with my grandson.” The secretary calls husband, “I won't be going.” The husband calls his girlfriend, “I am sorry, my wife is not going.” The girlfriend calls boy, “You have tuition.” Boy calls his grandpa and says, “Sorry grandpa I've classes.” The grandpa calls secretary…

Nu am cel mai fin auz, dar mi se pare ca pe partea de voce se aude ca din fundul unui put. Nu sunt nici sunetist, probabil ca ar trebui un microfon de calitate sau ceve de genul celor "captusite" in ceva, ca ale celor de la stiri.

O sursa, ceva?

A wife arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing. Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words: “Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving home, I saw this young girl, looking poor and tired, I offered her a ride. She was hungry, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator. Her shoes were worn out so I gave her a pair of your shoes you didn't wear because they were out of style. She was cold so I gave her that new birthday sweater you never wore even once because the color didn't suit you. Her slacks were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours that you don't fit into anymore. Then as she was about to leave the house, she paused and asked, ‘Is there anything else that your wife doesn't use anymore?’ And so, here we are!”

Hai sa nu exageram, gasesti si acum multe lucruri foarte bune la un pret excelent. Am cumparat Cardo la pret mai bun decat la producator. Nu mai vorbesc de casti, manusi si altele. E adevarat ca sufera pe partea de Highway, dar poate nu este vina lor.

Salut! Atunci cred ca ar fi bine sa ai in vedere, macar partial, sfaturile pe care le-ai primit pe forumul celalalt (nu, eu nu am recomandat nimic). Daca o faci din pasiune, inseamna ca vrei sa te perfectionezi si sa faci lucrurile mai bine. La partea cu sunetul sufera, chiar si pe un notebook normal cu boxe de calitate. Partea de compozitie nu o discut, fiecare cu gusturile sale.