The Flying Dutchman

A couple comes up to a wishing well. The guy leans over, makes a wish, and throws in a penny. His wife decides to make a wish, too, but she leans over too far, falls into the well, and drowns. The guy says, “Son of a bitch! It works!”

There was a woman and a baby in the doctor's examination room, waiting for the doctor to take the child's first examination. The doctor came and examined the baby, looked at the baby's weight and seemed a little concerned, and asked if the baby was breast or bottle fed. "Breastfed," she replied. "Lower your waist," said the doctor. She did. He pinched her nipples, then pressed both breasts, kneaded them, rubbed them for a while, and did a thorough examination. He gestured for her to put on her clothes and said: "No wonder this baby is underweight, you have no milk." "I know," she said, "I'm his grandmother, but I'm glad I came."

A man and a woman were dating. She being of a religious nature had held back the worldly pleasure that he wanted from her so bad. In fact, he had never even seen her undressed. One day, as they drove down the freeway, she remarked about his slow driving habits. “I can’t stand it anymore,” she told him. “Let’s play a game. For every 5 miles per hour over the speed limit you drive, I’ll remove one piece of clothing. He enthusiastically agreed and sped up the car. He reached the 55 MPH mark, so she took off her blouse. At 60 off came the pants. At 65 it was her bra and at 70 her underwear. Now seeing her naked for the first time and traveling faster than he ever had before, he became very excited and lost control of the car. He veered off the road, went over an embankment and hit a tree. His girlfriend was not hurt but he was trapped. She tried to pull him free but alas he was stuck. “Go to the road and get help,” he said. “I don’t have anything to cover myself with!” she replied. The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes. “You’ll have to put this between your legs to cover it up,” he told her. So she did as he said and went up to the road for help. Along came a truck driver. Seeing an undressed, crying woman along the road, he pulled over to hear her story. “My boyfriend! My boyfriend!” she sobs, “He’s stuck and I can’t pull him out!” The truck driver looking down at the shoe between her legs replies, “Ma’am, if he’s in that far, I’m afraid he’s a goner!”

Drink juice! Juice means energy! Energy means sport! Sport means power! Power means money! Money means women! Women mean troubles... You better drink water!!!

At a medical convention, a male doctor and a female doctor start eyeing each other. The male doctor asks her to dinner and she accepts. As they sit down at the restaurant, she excuses herself to go and wash her hands. After dinner, one thing leads to another and they end up in her hotel bedroom. Just as things get hot, the female doctor interrupts and says she has to go and wash her hands. Once she comes back they go for it. Once they finish, she gets up and says she is going to wash her hands. As she comes back the male doctor says, “I bet you are a surgeon”. She confirms and asks how he knew. “Easy, you’re always washing your hands.” She then says, “I bet you’re an anesthesiologist.” Male doctor: “Wow, how did you guess?” Female doctor: “I didn’t feel a thing.”

Mai bine nu.

Two doctors and an HMO manager die and line up together at the Pearly Gates. One doctor steps forward and tells St. Peter, “As a pediatric surgeon, I saved hundreds of children.” St. Peter lets him enter. The next doctor says, “As a psychiatrist, I helped thousands of people live better lives.” St. Peter tells him to go ahead. The last man says, “I was an HMO manager. I got countless families cost-effective health care.” St. Peter replies, “You may enter. But,” he adds, “you can only stay for three days. After that, you can go to hell.”

Astazi ar fi fost si ziua lui Ivan...

A wife woke up from her night’s sleep and began recounting her dream to her husband. “I dream they were auctioning off tool in this place, “she began, “the big ones went for a tenner and the thick ones went for 20.” “How about the ones like mine?” asked her husband. “Those they gave away,” she replied tongue in cheek. “I had a dream too,” started the husband. “I dream they were auctioning off fannies. The pretty ones went for a thousand and the little tight ones went for double that!” “And how much for the ones like mine?” enquired the wife to her husband. “That’s where they held the auction,” he replied.

Csf, ncsf!

A 71 year old man is having a drink in a Chicago bar. Suddenly a gorgeous 19 year old girl enters and sits down a few seats away. The girl is so attractive that he just can't take his eyes off her. After a short while the girl notices him staring, and approaches him. Before the man has time to apologize, the girl looks him deep in the eyes and says to him in a sultry tone: “I'll do anything you'd like. Anything you can imagine in your wildest dreams, it doesn't matter how extreme or unusual it is, I'm game. I want 100 dollars, and there's another condition”. Completely stunned by the sudden turn of events, the man asks her what her condition is. She replies, “You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.” The man takes a moment to consider the offer from the beautiful woman. He then whips out his wallet and puts 10 ten-dollar bills in her outstretched hand. He then looks her square in the eye, and says slowly and clearly: “Paint my house.”

A very angry woman stormed up to the receptionist’s desk at a doctor’s office. “Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday,” she complained. The doctor came out and tried to calm her down. “I assure you that no one on my staff would have done such a thing,” he said. “Why do you think it was taken here?” “After the operation, I noticed the wig I was wearing was cheap-looking and ugly.” “I think,” explained the surgeon gently, “that means your cataract operation was a success.”

A woman went to her doctor’s office with a seemingly incurable case of hiccups. A new doctor examined her, and after a few minutes, she began to scream and ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was. After she explained, the older doctor went to the new doctor and said, “What’s the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?” The new doctor smiled and said, “Cured her hiccups though, didn’t it?”

@danielll243, o sa-ti explic mai pe indelete. Nu am vazut pana acum vreunul dintre cei care pun intrebari pe forum inainte de a achizitiona o motocicleta sa asculte de sfaturile pe care le primesc. Niciunul nu plateste sa mearga la o reprezentanta pentru o verificare temeinica inainte de cumparare. Toti cumpara niste cazane obosite si abuzate grav de altii inaintea lor si la scurt timp apar sa ceara sfaturi cum sa le repare. Niciunul nu cumpara o motocicleta “cinstita” sau un scuter, toti vor “sportive” cu care sa impresioneze fetele cu fustele si mintea scurta. Uite, @Kristian are de vreo doi ani la vanzare o motocicleta excelenta si bine intretinuta, numai buna, pe care niciun puber din astia ca tine nu se gandeste sa o cumpere pentru ca nu are carene si nu atrage pitipoance. Aproape toate motocicletele astea “sportive” sunt abuzate de tineri care le duc in limitare prin cartier, nu le controleaza niciodata nivelul la ulei si nu schimba nimic la ele pana nu se strica. In cazul tau, solutia va fi probabil sa inlocuiesti cilindrul, pistonul, segmentii, posibil arborele cu came si culbutorii, si, iarasi posibil, arborele cotit. Daca adaugi manopera facuta de un meserias care o repara ca lumea si nu pe genunchi, probabil ca vei iesi mai bine sa cumperi alt motor sau alta motocicleta. @Speedy.K, @ENEOS, anul trecut am vandut o motoreta pe OLX. Primele mesaje au fost despre care ar fi ultimul pret (pe nevazute), mai ca ar fi vrut sa o ia degeaba, sau sa le mai dau eu ceva bani. Iar primul care a venit sa o vada, inainte de orice altceva s-a uitat la toba finala si m-a intrebat unde sunt suruburile pe care sa le scoata ca sa poata demonta decibel killer-ul.

Patient: “Doctor, I think I’ve been bitten by a vampire.” Doctor: “Drink this glass of water.” Patient: “Will it make me better?” Doctor: “No, but I’ll be able to see if your neck leaks.”

Fixed.

Crezi ca va intelege? Mai intai a intrebat daca "se merita" sa cumpere cotetul si nu a ascultat de sfaturi. Apoi, desi motorul era intretinut maniacal, au aparut problemele: ba nu porneste, ba vobleaza, acum se aude cum bate ceva in motor. Lumea continua sa cumpere cazane si apoi vin sa le repare pe forum

Asta.

5-6 ore fac vitezomanii!

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister decide to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins. “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.” “I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.” They both look down at the rabbi, who is wrapped in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”

Cred cacolegu a vrut sa spuna ca Ivan ar fi observat imediat ca s-a pus de doua ori o gluma in aceeasi postare. Iar asta e in Corsica, am fost acolo. E cam departe de Belgia. On:

Two guys were out walking their dogs on a hot day, when they pass by a pub. The first guy says, “Let’s go in there for a pint.” Second guy, says, “They won’t let us in with our dogs.” First guy: “Sure they will, just follow my lead.” He goes up to the pub, and sure enough the doorman says, “I can’t let you in here with that dog.” He replies, “Oh, I’m blind and this is my seeing-eye dog.” The doorman says, “Ok then, come on in.” The second guy sees this and does the same thing. He goes up to the pub, and the doorman says, “You can’t come in here with a dog.” He replies, “I’m blind and this is my seeing-eye dog.” The doorman responds, “You have a chihuahua for a seeing-eye dog?” The second guy stops for a second, and exclaims, “They gave me a chihuahua?”

A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads, “Talking Dog for Sale.” Intrigued, he walks in. “So, what have you done with your life?” he asks the dog. “I’ve led a very full life,” says the dog. “I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now, I spend my days reading at a retirement home.” The guy is flabbergasted, he turns to the owner and asks, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of a dog like that?” The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that.”

Sper sa fie un instructor la fel de bun pe cat are gura de mare pe aici.