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Kagemusha

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  1. @Methodman, @xt600, cred că ar trebui să continuati să vă exprimați liber, dacă uneori avem opinii diferite, eu vă simpatizez pe amândoi. Chiar dacă eram născuți de aceeași mamă eram diferiți, nu? Sugestia mea ar fi - dacă-mi permiteți - să vă exprimați mai scurt, mai concis, mai succint... sper că înțelegeți ce vreau să spun. Dacă vrem să citim romane știm unde să le găsim. Mai sunt câțiva useri ale căror postări le citesc cu interes: @PzKpfW, @damager, @ilarionciobanu, @Cavaleru - Cristi, ești cel mai onest și echidistant dintre moderatori (cei care sunt activi, că "verzi" sunt mulți, dar degeaba). Și @B.B., aka Bellbody cu @frigider sunt simpatici și aduc o doză de umor (involuntar uneori) care ne descrețește frunțile. Mai sunt unii pe care nu mi-i amintesc în clipa asta (și le cer scuze). La toți cei de mai sus, apreciez că, chiar și atunci când "ne apucăm de beregată", există respect și curtoazie. Mai sunt și hateri, trolli, și nefericiți care-și varsă frustrările pe aici, dar trăim într-o lume liberă, cel puțin aparent... Ciudat este că deși competiția este aparent de rahat, toată lumea se uită și comentează. De ce oare? Carpe Diem și haideți să ne bucurăm de MotoGP!
  2. A man boards a plane and is seated next to an Air Marshall and his ‘sniffing dog’. Soon, the plane takes off and the Marshall says, “Sniffer, search.” The dog walks along the aisle, and stops next to a woman. He then returns to his seat and puts a paw on the Marshall’s arm. “Good boy,” says the Marshall. “What happened?” asks the man. “That woman is in possession of marijuana. We’ll arrest her when we land.” Once again, Sniffer searches the aisles. He stops beside a man, then returns to his seat, and places two paws on the Marshall’s arm. “That man is carrying cocaine,” the Marshall explains. The dog walks up the aisle again, then races back, jumps into his seat, and poops all over it. “What’s going on?!” demands the man. The Marshall nervously replies, “He just found a bomb!”
  3. Așa este, la mulți ani @Method și numai bine! Știu că suntem off topic, dar mai mult de jumătate din postări sunt la fel.
  4. A man returned to the U.S. after a trip abroad feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo a barrage of extensive tests. The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings. “This is your doctor. We’ve got the results back from your tests, and we’ve found you have an extremely nasty virus that is extremely contagious!” “Oh my gosh,” cries the man. He’s in a panic now. “What are you going to do, Doctor?” “Well, we’re going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and quesadillas.” “Will that cure me?” asked the man hopefully. The doctor replied, “No… but it’s the only food we can get under the door.”
  5. Și le-o fi pus să țină minte ordinea numerelor.
  6. Two guys were out walking their dogs on a hot day, when they pass by a pub. The first guy says, “Let’s go in there for a pint.” Second guy, says, “They won’t let us in with our dogs.” First guy: “Sure they will, just follow my lead.” He goes up to the pub, and sure enough the doorman says, “I can’t let you in here with that dog.” He replies, “Oh, I’m blind and this is my seeing-eye dog.” The doorman says, “Ok then, come on in.” The second guy sees this and does the same thing. He goes up to the pub, and the doorman says, “You can’t come in here with a dog.” He replies, “I’m blind and this is my seeing-eye dog.” The doorman responds, “You have a chihuahua for a seeing-eye dog?” The second guy stops for a second, and exclaims, “They gave me a chihuahua?”
  7. Two doctors and an HMO manager die and line up together at the Pearly Gates. One doctor steps forward and tells St. Peter, “As a pediatric surgeon, I saved hundreds of children.” St. Peter lets him enter. The next doctor says, “As a psychiatrist, I helped thousands of people live better lives.” St. Peter tells him to go ahead. The last man says, “I was an HMO manager. I got countless families cost-effective health care.” St. Peter replies, “You may enter. But,” he adds, “you can only stay for three days. After that, you can go to hell.”
  8. A dog walks into a butcher shop and the butcher asks, “What do you want?” The dog points to steak in a glass case. “How many pounds?” The dog barks twice. “Anything else?” The dog points to some pork chops and barks four times. So the butcher wraps up a two-pound steak and four pork chops, and places the bag in the dog’s mouth. He then takes money from a purse tied around the dog’s neck, and sees him out. A customer, who has been watching in amazement, follows the dog to a house several blocks away, where it rings the doorbell to be let in. As the owner appears at the door, the customer says, “What a remarkable dog!” “Remarkable?” snorts the owner. “This is the second time this week he’s forgotten his keys.”
  9. HOW TO INSTALL A SOUTHERN HOME SECURITY SYSTEM 1. Go to Goodwill and buy a pair of size 16-18 men’s work boots. 2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of „Guns & Ammo” magazine. 3. Put four giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine. 4. Leave a note on your door that reads: Bubba, Me and Marcel, Donnie Ray and Jimmy Earl went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour. Don’t mess with the pit-bulls. They got the mailman this morning and messed him up bad. I don’t think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of ’em in the house. Better wait outside. Be right back. Coote
  10. Things you don’t want to hear during surgery: 1. Oops! 2. Has anyone seen my watch? 3. That was some party last night. I can’t remember when I’ve been that drunk. 4. Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing! 5. Well, this book doesn’t say that… What edition is your manual? 6. Ok, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature. 7. Damn, there go the lights again… 8. Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
  11. Te scutește de muncă și mizerie. Știu pe cineva mai puturos, care atunci când îl folosește nici nu învârte roata cu mâna, pornește motorul și o ține într-a-ntâia la relanty, cum zicea tânărul ăla mai deunăzi. Mie îmi plăcea mai mult gazul pe partea de curățat, dar nu găsesc nicăieri în București, prin lumea a treia și a patra era ușor de procurat.
  12. Și uite-așa, astăzi unii și unele s-au bucurat de Ziua Femeii, iar eu am comemorat trei ani de când am pierdut un prieten drag. Adi Bărar, drum bun și lin printre stele!
  13. A snail named Samuel just got a raise working as a realtor. He decided since he got this money he will get a custom sports car with a big "S" on the side to show everyone the car is his. While he's flexing his new car down the streets of Los Angeles, he passes an elderly couple sitting on their porch. As he passes the man exclaims to his wife, "Look at that S-Car-Go!"
  14. WD-40 nu distruge nimic. Poate fi folosit la curățat lanțul fără probleme. Îl folosesc și eu uneori (când folosesc perie Tyrox), deși favorita mea este motorina (cu Ketenmax). Nu am deschis linkul și nu știu ce spune acolo, dar dacă zice altceva, nu cred.
  15. At a medical convention, a male doctor and a female doctor start eyeing each other. The male doctor asks her to dinner and she accepts. As they sit down at the restaurant, she excuses herself to go and wash her hands. After dinner, one thing leads to another and they end up in her hotel bedroom. Just as things get hot, the female doctor interrupts and says she has to go and wash her hands. Once she comes back they go for it. Once they finish, she gets up and says she is going to wash her hands. As she comes back the male doctor says, “I bet you are a surgeon”. She confirms and asks how he knew. “Easy, you’re always washing your hands.” She then says, “I bet you’re an anesthesiologist.” Male doctor: “Wow, how did you guess?” Female doctor: “I didn’t feel a thing.”
  16. https://www.ridinginthezone.com/10-things-you-need-to-know-about-throttle-blipping/#google_vignette Știi asta și mai mult ca sigur o faci, dar nu la modul științific. Pe scurt, când schimbi într-o treaptă inferioară, mai ales atunci când e o diferență de 2-3 trepte, accelerezi pentru ca turația motorului să "match" cu cea a roții spate, ca să nu pierzi spatele și să ajungi în pietriș sau sub roțile ăluia de pe contrasens.
  17. An elephant drinking from a stream spots a tortoise lounging on the shore. He grabs it with his trunk and flings it into the jungle. A passing zebra asks, "Why did you do that?" "Forty years ago that very tortoise nipped my tail just for fun," the elephant said. "Wow, forty years ago! How did you remember that?" "Well I have turtle recall," replied the elephant.
  18. A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. He hasn’t been feeling well and wants to find out if he is ill. After the checkup, the doctor comes out with the results of the examination. “I’m afraid I have some bad news. You’re dying and you don’t have much time,” the doctor says. “Oh no, that’s terrible. How long have I got?” the man asks. “10…” says the doctor. “10? 10 what? Months? Weeks? What?!” he asks desperately. “10…9…8…7…”
  19. Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news. Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first. Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live. Patient: 24 HOURS! That’s terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What’s the very bad news? Doctor: I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday.
  20. Actualizare martie 2024: Pe lângă cele de mai sus, iau în considerare și variante de schimb cu - Kawasaki KLX 230; - Piaggio Liberty sau Medley 125 sau 150; - Kymco Agility 125. an de fabricație după 2017, cu plata unor eventuale diferențe.
  21. A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Wyoming when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust. The driver, a young man in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes, RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy: "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?" Bud looks at the man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?" The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell® notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3® cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop® and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot® that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL® database through an ODBC connected Excel® spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry® and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet® printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves." "That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?" The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?" "You're a Congressman from Washington, DC ", says Bud. "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?" "No guessing required." answered the cowboy." You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars’ worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep. Now give me back my dog."
  22. An old cowboy dressed to kill with cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs and chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. After she ordered her drink she turned to the cowboy and asked him, "Are you a real cowboy?" "Well, I have spent my whole life on the ranch herding cows, breaking horses, mending fences... I guess I am," replied the cowboy. After a short while he asked her what she was. "I've never been on a ranch so I'm not a cowboy, but I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women, when I eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women," told the young woman. A short while later she left and the cowboy ordered another drink. A couple sat down next to him and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" "Well, I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian!"
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