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Kagemusha

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Orice postat de Kagemusha

  1. Putem să-l alintăm fiecare în felul nostru. Eu aș putea să-i spun "violatorul", "supremul" sau chiar "cârnatul" ori "zacusca". Eu zic să te rezumi la a privi cursele. Doar zic...
  2. Recomandarea cu sonorul oprit la Digi e valabilă pentru toată lumea.
  3. Vezi că "tiburon" inseamna rechin în spaniolă. Și nu te mai lua dupa Florin Ion sau senilul ăla de Haralambie (e mai tânăr ca mine, dar i-a plecat mintea cu sorcova). Dacă optezi pentru Digi, oprește sonorul sau înnebunești.
  4. An old man is met by his attorney, and is told he is going to be audited. He rides to the IRS office with his attorney, and when he gets there, he begins to talk with the IRS agent. “Bet $2,000 I can bite my own eye!” The IRS agent agrees to the bet, believing it an impossible task. The old man laughs, pulls out his glass eye, and bites it. The IRS agent is dumbfounded. The old man bets $3,000 he can bite his other eye. The IRS agent knows there's no way possible to do this, so he once more agrees. The old man cackles, pulls out his dentures, and bites his eye. The old man finally wagers, “I bet $20,000 I can stand on the far side of your desk, pee over the desk, and get it into your wastebasket, without missing a single drop.” The agent knows he won't be able to, so once more he agrees. The old man indeed misses, peeing all over the desk, and on the paperwork. The IRS agent jumps for joy, but then notices the attorney over in the corner moaning. “Are you all right?” asks the agent. “No! On the way over here, he bet me $400,000 he could pee on your desk and you'd be happy about it.”
  5. Patient: “Doctor, I think I’ve been bitten by a vampire.” Doctor: “Drink this glass of water.” Patient: “Will it make me better?” Doctor: “No, but I’ll be able to see if your neck leaks.”
  6. @Methodman, @xt600, cred că ar trebui să continuati să vă exprimați liber, dacă uneori avem opinii diferite, eu vă simpatizez pe amândoi. Chiar dacă eram născuți de aceeași mamă eram diferiți, nu? Sugestia mea ar fi - dacă-mi permiteți - să vă exprimați mai scurt, mai concis, mai succint... sper că înțelegeți ce vreau să spun. Dacă vrem să citim romane știm unde să le găsim. Mai sunt câțiva useri ale căror postări le citesc cu interes: @PzKpfW, @damager, @ilarionciobanu, @Cavaleru - Cristi, ești cel mai onest și echidistant dintre moderatori (cei care sunt activi, că "verzi" sunt mulți, dar degeaba). Și @B.B., aka Bellbody cu @frigider sunt simpatici și aduc o doză de umor (involuntar uneori) care ne descrețește frunțile. Mai sunt unii pe care nu mi-i amintesc în clipa asta (și le cer scuze). La toți cei de mai sus, apreciez că, chiar și atunci când "ne apucăm de beregată", există respect și curtoazie. Mai sunt și hateri, trolli, și nefericiți care-și varsă frustrările pe aici, dar trăim într-o lume liberă, cel puțin aparent... Ciudat este că deși competiția este aparent de rahat, toată lumea se uită și comentează. De ce oare? Carpe Diem și haideți să ne bucurăm de MotoGP!
  7. A man boards a plane and is seated next to an Air Marshall and his ‘sniffing dog’. Soon, the plane takes off and the Marshall says, “Sniffer, search.” The dog walks along the aisle, and stops next to a woman. He then returns to his seat and puts a paw on the Marshall’s arm. “Good boy,” says the Marshall. “What happened?” asks the man. “That woman is in possession of marijuana. We’ll arrest her when we land.” Once again, Sniffer searches the aisles. He stops beside a man, then returns to his seat, and places two paws on the Marshall’s arm. “That man is carrying cocaine,” the Marshall explains. The dog walks up the aisle again, then races back, jumps into his seat, and poops all over it. “What’s going on?!” demands the man. The Marshall nervously replies, “He just found a bomb!”
  8. Așa este, la mulți ani @Method și numai bine! Știu că suntem off topic, dar mai mult de jumătate din postări sunt la fel.
  9. A man returned to the U.S. after a trip abroad feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo a barrage of extensive tests. The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings. “This is your doctor. We’ve got the results back from your tests, and we’ve found you have an extremely nasty virus that is extremely contagious!” “Oh my gosh,” cries the man. He’s in a panic now. “What are you going to do, Doctor?” “Well, we’re going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and quesadillas.” “Will that cure me?” asked the man hopefully. The doctor replied, “No… but it’s the only food we can get under the door.”
  10. Și le-o fi pus să țină minte ordinea numerelor.
  11. Two guys were out walking their dogs on a hot day, when they pass by a pub. The first guy says, “Let’s go in there for a pint.” Second guy, says, “They won’t let us in with our dogs.” First guy: “Sure they will, just follow my lead.” He goes up to the pub, and sure enough the doorman says, “I can’t let you in here with that dog.” He replies, “Oh, I’m blind and this is my seeing-eye dog.” The doorman says, “Ok then, come on in.” The second guy sees this and does the same thing. He goes up to the pub, and the doorman says, “You can’t come in here with a dog.” He replies, “I’m blind and this is my seeing-eye dog.” The doorman responds, “You have a chihuahua for a seeing-eye dog?” The second guy stops for a second, and exclaims, “They gave me a chihuahua?”
  12. Two doctors and an HMO manager die and line up together at the Pearly Gates. One doctor steps forward and tells St. Peter, “As a pediatric surgeon, I saved hundreds of children.” St. Peter lets him enter. The next doctor says, “As a psychiatrist, I helped thousands of people live better lives.” St. Peter tells him to go ahead. The last man says, “I was an HMO manager. I got countless families cost-effective health care.” St. Peter replies, “You may enter. But,” he adds, “you can only stay for three days. After that, you can go to hell.”
  13. A dog walks into a butcher shop and the butcher asks, “What do you want?” The dog points to steak in a glass case. “How many pounds?” The dog barks twice. “Anything else?” The dog points to some pork chops and barks four times. So the butcher wraps up a two-pound steak and four pork chops, and places the bag in the dog’s mouth. He then takes money from a purse tied around the dog’s neck, and sees him out. A customer, who has been watching in amazement, follows the dog to a house several blocks away, where it rings the doorbell to be let in. As the owner appears at the door, the customer says, “What a remarkable dog!” “Remarkable?” snorts the owner. “This is the second time this week he’s forgotten his keys.”
  14. HOW TO INSTALL A SOUTHERN HOME SECURITY SYSTEM 1. Go to Goodwill and buy a pair of size 16-18 men’s work boots. 2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of „Guns & Ammo” magazine. 3. Put four giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine. 4. Leave a note on your door that reads: Bubba, Me and Marcel, Donnie Ray and Jimmy Earl went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour. Don’t mess with the pit-bulls. They got the mailman this morning and messed him up bad. I don’t think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of ’em in the house. Better wait outside. Be right back. Coote
  15. Things you don’t want to hear during surgery: 1. Oops! 2. Has anyone seen my watch? 3. That was some party last night. I can’t remember when I’ve been that drunk. 4. Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing! 5. Well, this book doesn’t say that… What edition is your manual? 6. Ok, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature. 7. Damn, there go the lights again… 8. Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
  16. Te scutește de muncă și mizerie. Știu pe cineva mai puturos, care atunci când îl folosește nici nu învârte roata cu mâna, pornește motorul și o ține într-a-ntâia la relanty, cum zicea tânărul ăla mai deunăzi. Mie îmi plăcea mai mult gazul pe partea de curățat, dar nu găsesc nicăieri în București, prin lumea a treia și a patra era ușor de procurat.
  17. Și uite-așa, astăzi unii și unele s-au bucurat de Ziua Femeii, iar eu am comemorat trei ani de când am pierdut un prieten drag. Adi Bărar, drum bun și lin printre stele!
  18. A snail named Samuel just got a raise working as a realtor. He decided since he got this money he will get a custom sports car with a big "S" on the side to show everyone the car is his. While he's flexing his new car down the streets of Los Angeles, he passes an elderly couple sitting on their porch. As he passes the man exclaims to his wife, "Look at that S-Car-Go!"
  19. WD-40 nu distruge nimic. Poate fi folosit la curățat lanțul fără probleme. Îl folosesc și eu uneori (când folosesc perie Tyrox), deși favorita mea este motorina (cu Ketenmax). Nu am deschis linkul și nu știu ce spune acolo, dar dacă zice altceva, nu cred.
  20. At a medical convention, a male doctor and a female doctor start eyeing each other. The male doctor asks her to dinner and she accepts. As they sit down at the restaurant, she excuses herself to go and wash her hands. After dinner, one thing leads to another and they end up in her hotel bedroom. Just as things get hot, the female doctor interrupts and says she has to go and wash her hands. Once she comes back they go for it. Once they finish, she gets up and says she is going to wash her hands. As she comes back the male doctor says, “I bet you are a surgeon”. She confirms and asks how he knew. “Easy, you’re always washing your hands.” She then says, “I bet you’re an anesthesiologist.” Male doctor: “Wow, how did you guess?” Female doctor: “I didn’t feel a thing.”
  21. https://www.ridinginthezone.com/10-things-you-need-to-know-about-throttle-blipping/#google_vignette Știi asta și mai mult ca sigur o faci, dar nu la modul științific. Pe scurt, când schimbi într-o treaptă inferioară, mai ales atunci când e o diferență de 2-3 trepte, accelerezi pentru ca turația motorului să "match" cu cea a roții spate, ca să nu pierzi spatele și să ajungi în pietriș sau sub roțile ăluia de pe contrasens.
  22. An elephant drinking from a stream spots a tortoise lounging on the shore. He grabs it with his trunk and flings it into the jungle. A passing zebra asks, "Why did you do that?" "Forty years ago that very tortoise nipped my tail just for fun," the elephant said. "Wow, forty years ago! How did you remember that?" "Well I have turtle recall," replied the elephant.
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