FUN

[The Flying Dutchman]

Jane and Erica are talking in Heaven.
“How did you die?” Jane asks Erica.
She replies, “I froze to death.”
“Oh, that's terrible!” says Jane.
“It wasn't too bad, after a while you start to get a sort of peaceful feeling, just before you black out. How did you die?”
“Well,” she says, “I suspected my husband was cheating so one day I came home early to catch him, but he was just watching TV. So I turned the entire house upside-down looking for another girl, and in the end I got a massive heart attack from exhaustion.”
“Too bad you didn’t look in the freezer,” said Erica, “or we might both still be alive.

[ENEOS]

[Penetru]

S-a găsit soluția la cum vrea Trump să redenumească golful Mexic.

[ENEOS]

Cred că am pus-o și anul trecut:

 

[The Flying Dutchman]

A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well.
The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills.
The doctor says: “Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water.”
Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers: “Jeez doc, exactly what's my problem?”
The Doctor replied, “You're not drinking enough water.”

[Penetru]

[The Flying Dutchman]

An old couple, Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 50th anniversary.
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!”
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.
An hour later the old man Abe turns to his wife and asks, “Esther, did we pay our $5,000 PBS pledge check yet?”
“No, sweetheart,” she responds.
Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, “Esther, did we pay our American Express card yet?”
“Oy, no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the check,” she says.
“One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send a check for the Visa and MasterCard this month?” he asks.
“Oh, forgive me, Abie,” begged Esther. “I didn't send that one, either.”
Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years.
Esther pulls away and asks him, “So, why did you kiss me?”
Abe answers, “They'll find us.”

[apriliacluj]

La 15.02.2025 la 0:07, ENEOS a spus:

 

La 15.02.2025 la 8:50, ENEOS a spus:

sure, you posted it last year too

but now twice

 

take it a little bit slower with the palinka/ rum or whatever!!

or you have been infected with flipper syndrome

[The Flying Dutchman]

[Lup69]

[ENEOS]

[The Flying Dutchman]

An engineer was unemployed for a long time.
He could not find a job so he opened a medical clinic and puts a sign up outside:
“Get your treatment for $500, if not treated get back $1,000.”
One doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic.
Doctor: “I have lost taste in my mouth.”
Engineer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth.”
Doctor: “This is gasoline!”
Engineer: “Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500.”
The doctor gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days later to recover his money.
Doctor: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”
Engineer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth.”
Doctor: “But that is gasoline!”
Engineer: “Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500.”
The doctor leaves angrily and comes back after several more days. 
Doctor: “My eyesight has become weak.”
Engineer: “Well, I don't have any medicine for this. Take this $1,000.”
Doctor: “But this is $500…”
Engineer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."

[Penetru]

[The Flying Dutchman]

An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married and settled down in their old neighborhood.
They we're celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary and decided to walk down the street to their old school.
There, they hold hands as they find the old desk they'd shared and where he had carved “I love you, Sally.”
On their way back home, a bag of money falls out of an armored car and lands practically at their feet.
Sally quickly picks it up and decides to take it home until they decide what to do with it.
There, she counts the money, and it's fifty thousand dollars.
The husband says, “We've got to give it back.”
She says, “Finders keepers,” and puts the money back in the bag and hides it up in their attic.
The next day, two FBI men are going door-to-door in the neighborhood looking for the money and show up at their home.
They say, “Pardon me, but did either of you find or know about some money that fell out of an armored car yesterday?”
She says, “No.”
The husband quickly interjects, “She's lying!! She hid it up in the attic.”
She says, “Don't believe him, he's getting senile.”
However, the agents sit the man down and begin to question him.
“Sir, please tell us the story from the beginning.”
The old man says, “Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday…”
The FBI agents immediately look at each other and say, “Let's get out of here!”

[ENEOS]

[sprike]

La 19.02.2025 la 19:55, Penetru a spus:

 

 

 Belea de belea

[Penetru]

Acrobatic mofo...

I mean mo-fo.

[The Flying Dutchman]

One day, an elderly man Jimmy was walking down Main Street when he saw his old buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup.
Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin.
“Bubba, where'd you get that truck?!”
“Mary gave it to me,” Bubba replied.
“She gave it to you? I knew she was kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?”
“Well, Jimmy, let me tell you what happened. We were driving out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowhere. Mary pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive and headed into the woods. She parked the truck got out, threw off all her clothes and said, ‘Bubba, take whatever you want.' So I took the truck!”
“You're a smart man, Bubba! Them clothes wouIda never fit you.”