FUN

[The Flying Dutchman]

[ENEOS]

[The Flying Dutchman]

[The Flying Dutchman]

[ENEOS]

[The Flying Dutchman]

Sam, an old man was a witness in a burglary trial.
The defense lawyer asks Sam, “Did you see my client commit this burglary?”
“Yes,” said Sam, “I saw him plainly take the goods.”
The lawyer asks Sam again, “Sam, this happened at night. Are you sure you saw my client commit this crime?”
“Yes,” says Sam, “I saw him do it.”
Then the lawyer asks Sam, “Sam listen, you are 80 years old and your eyesight probably is bad. Just how far can you see at night?”
Sam says, “I can see the moon, how far is that?”

[apriliacluj]

[The Flying Dutchman]

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.
The fairy says “I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day.”
The professor says “I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?” so he is teleported into a classroom.
After a few minutes, all the kids' screaming gets to his nerves, so he throws all his supplies and gives up.
The C.E.O says “I'll be a waiter. All you do is carry food back and forth. This'll be a breeze” so he is teleported to a restaurant.
After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive him insane, so he smashes his plates on the ground and gives up.
The janitor says “I'll be an artist” so he is transported to an art facility.
He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, then sells it for a billion dollars.
The fairy asks the janitor how he was so clever.
The janitor says “I got a masters degree in art.”

[ENEOS]

[The Flying Dutchman]

A Midwest farmer was describing his lifestyle to a touring group of city folks.
“One of the benefits of this profession,” he explained, “is that we have built-in weather predictions.”
“What do you mean by that?” asked one inquisitive visitor.
“When the cows are standing,” the farmer explained, “it means no rain is likely for the next twenty-four hours.
When they're lying down, it means it's going to rain.”
“On our bus trip,” another visitor piped in, “I saw half the herd standing and the other half lying down. What does that mean?”
The farmer flashed a smile and answered, “That means half of them are wrong.”

[ENEOS]

[The Flying Dutchman]

While showing off his new apartment to friends one night, a drunk man led the way to his bedroom where there was a huge clock on the wall with a big brass gong.
“What's that brass gong for?” asked one of the guests.
“Why, that's the talking clock,” the man replied.
“How does it work?” asked a second friend.
“Watch,” the man said, giving it an ear-shattering pound with a hammer.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, “For heaven's sake, you jerk, it's 2 a.m. in the morning!”

[Penetru]

[The Flying Dutchman]

A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep.
Stopping to rest, he tells the shepherd, “I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock.”
The shepherd thinks it over. It's a big flock, so he takes the bet.
“973,” says the man.
The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right.
The shepherd says “OK, I'm a man of my word, take an animal.” The man picks one up and begins to walk away.
“Wait,” cries the shepherd, “let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation.”
The man agrees.
“You are an accountant for the government,” says the shepherd.
“Amazing!” responds the man. “You are exactly right! But tell me: how did you deduce that?”
“Well,” says the shepherd, “put down my dog and I will tell you.”

[ENEOS]

[The Flying Dutchman]

A mother sees her son watching television and says, "Jimmy! I thought I told you to do the dishes after you do your homework! Why are you watching television?"
Jimmy replies, "It's okay, Mom! I haven't done my homework yet."

[Lup69]

[The Flying Dutchman]

An Irishman and an Englishman walk into a bakery.
The Englishman steals 3 buns and puts them into his pockets and leaves.
He says to the Irishman, “That took great skill and guile to steal those buns.  The owner didn't even see me.”
The Irishman replied, “That's just simple thievery, I'll show you how to do it the honest way and get the same results.”
The Irishman then proceeded to call out the owner of the bakery and says, “Sir, I want to show you a magic trick.”
The owner was intrigued so he came over to see the magic trick.
The Irishman asked him for a bun and then he proceeded to eat it.  He asked for two more buns, and after eating them again, the owner says, “Okay my friend, where's the magic trick?”
The Irishman then said, “Look in the Englishman's pockets.”

[ENEOS]