The Flying Dutchman Postat Septembrie 26 Autor Share Postat Septembrie 26 Wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket she notices four legs instead of two! She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. “Hi darling”, he says. “Your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Hope you said hello to them.” Citează Link spre comentariu Distribuie pe alte site-uri More sharing options...
Microbec Postat Septembrie 26 Share Postat Septembrie 26 Citează Link spre comentariu Distribuie pe alte site-uri More sharing options...
The Flying Dutchman Postat Septembrie 26 Autor Share Postat Septembrie 26 A man drives his date up to lovers’ lane and parks. “I have to be honest with you” the woman says as the guy makes his move. ”I’m a call girl”. The man thinks about this for a bit and decides he’s ok with it. He agrees to pay her $25 and they go at it. After they finish, the guy says, “Now I should be honest too. I’m a cab driver and it’s going to cost you $25 to get back to town.” Citează Link spre comentariu Distribuie pe alte site-uri More sharing options...
Lup69 Postat Septembrie 27 Share Postat Septembrie 27 https://fb.watch/uTtpSBJQ0D/ https://fb.watch/uTtomRsPRL/ Citează Link spre comentariu Distribuie pe alte site-uri More sharing options...
The Flying Dutchman Postat Septembrie 28 Autor Share Postat Septembrie 28 Johnny fell in love, so he asks his father. “Daddy, I fell in love and want to date this awesome girl!” “That's great son! Who is she?” “It's Sandra, the neighbour's daughter.” “Oh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Sandra is actually your sister.” The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later he fell in love again. “Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!” “That's great son! Who is she?” “It's Angela, the other neighbour's daughter.” “Oh, I wish you hadn't said that. Angela is also your sister.” This went on a couple of times and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying. “Mum, I am so mad at dad! I fell in love with six girls but I can't date any of them because dad is their father!” The mother hugs him affectionately and says “My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him. He isn't your father.” Citează Link spre comentariu Distribuie pe alte site-uri More sharing options...
Penetru Postat Septembrie 28 Share Postat Septembrie 28 Citează Link spre comentariu Distribuie pe alte site-uri More sharing options...
The Flying Dutchman Postat Septembrie 28 Autor Share Postat Septembrie 28 As Mr Smith was on his death bed, he attempted to formulate a plan that would allow him to take at least some of his considerable wealth with him. He called for the three men he trusted most, his lawyer, his doctor, and his clergyman. Mr Smith told them, “I'm going to give you each $30,000 in cash before I die. At my funeral, I want you each to place the money in my coffin so that try to take it with me.” All three agreed to do this and were given the money. At the funeral, each approached the coffin in turn and placed an envelope inside. While riding in the limousine back from the cemetery, the clergyman said, “I have to confess something to you fellows. Brother Smith was a good churchman all his life, and I know he would have wanted me to do this. The church needed a new baptistery very badly, and I took $10,000 of the month he gave me and bought one. I only put $20,000 in the coffin.” The doctor then said, “Well, since we're confiding in one another, I might as well tell you that I didn't put the full $30,000 in the coffin either. Smith had a disease that could have been diagnosed sooner if I had this very new machine, but the machine cost $20,000 and I couldn't afford it then. I used $20,000 of the money he gave to buy the machine so that I might be able to save another patient. I know that Smith would have wanted me to do that.” The lawyer then said, “I’m ashamed of both of you. When I put my envelope into that coffin, it held my personal cheque for the full $30,000.” Citează Link spre comentariu Distribuie pe alte site-uri More sharing options...
Penetru Postat Septembrie 28 Share Postat Septembrie 28 Citează Link spre comentariu Distribuie pe alte site-uri More sharing options...
The Flying Dutchman Postat Septembrie 29 Autor Share Postat Septembrie 29 Elsa, a 97 year old midwife, finally passed away after a long and happy life. When she arrived at the Pearly Gates, St Peter was standing there waiting for her. He said, “Welcome, Elsa. Do you have a last wish before you enter paradise?” “I do,” Elsa replied. “I would like to return to Earth for a few minutes and for once in my life witness a birth where the father is the one who has to endure the pain of having a baby.” St Peter thought this was a reasonable request, so Elsa was sent back to Earth for a short while. She found herself standing in the home of a woman who was just having a baby. While giving birth, the mother seemed to be in no pain whatsoever. The midwife was curious to see how her husband was doing, but was surprised to see him calmly sitting on a chair by an open window, smoking his pipe. “How are you feeling? Aren't you in pain?” the midwife asked him. “Oh no, I'm feeling great,” the husband replied. “But I think we have to call for an ambulance. Our neighbor John is lying out there on the lawn screaming his head off!” Citează Link spre comentariu Distribuie pe alte site-uri More sharing options...
Lup69 Postat Septembrie 29 Share Postat Septembrie 29 Citează Link spre comentariu Distribuie pe alte site-uri More sharing options...
The Flying Dutchman Postat Septembrie 29 Autor Share Postat Septembrie 29 A family takes their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems O.K. but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again, she seems O.K. but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning. Later, the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. “So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?” they ask. “It's pretty nice,” she replies. “Except they won't let you fart.” Citează Link spre comentariu Distribuie pe alte site-uri More sharing options...
Microbec Postat Septembrie 30 Share Postat Septembrie 30 Citează Link spre comentariu Distribuie pe alte site-uri More sharing options...
Lup69 Postat Septembrie 30 Share Postat Septembrie 30 Citează Link spre comentariu Distribuie pe alte site-uri More sharing options...
The Flying Dutchman Postat Septembrie 30 Autor Share Postat Septembrie 30 Small shopping Citează Link spre comentariu Distribuie pe alte site-uri More sharing options...
Lup69 Postat Septembrie 30 Share Postat Septembrie 30 Citează Link spre comentariu Distribuie pe alte site-uri More sharing options...
Penetru Postat Septembrie 30 Share Postat Septembrie 30 Citează Link spre comentariu Distribuie pe alte site-uri More sharing options...
Lup69 Postat Septembrie 30 Share Postat Septembrie 30 Citează Link spre comentariu Distribuie pe alte site-uri More sharing options...
The Flying Dutchman Postat Septembrie 30 Autor Share Postat Septembrie 30 Citează Link spre comentariu Distribuie pe alte site-uri More sharing options...
Microbec Postat Septembrie 30 Share Postat Septembrie 30 On 8/18/2024 at 2:03 AM, Lup69 said: 6 hours ago, Lup69 said: Si tu, Brutus??? Citează Link spre comentariu Distribuie pe alte site-uri More sharing options...
The Flying Dutchman Postat Septembrie 30 Autor Share Postat Septembrie 30 Citează Link spre comentariu Distribuie pe alte site-uri More sharing options...
Microbec Postat Octombrie 1 Share Postat Octombrie 1 Citează Link spre comentariu Distribuie pe alte site-uri More sharing options...
The Flying Dutchman Postat Octombrie 1 Autor Share Postat Octombrie 1 There, standing in front of a big puddle outside the pub was an old Irishman, drenched, holding a stick, with a piece of string dangling in the water. A passer-by stopped and asked him, “What are you doing?” “Fishing.” replied the old man. Feeling sorry for the old man, the gent says, “Come in out of the rain and I'll buy you a drink.” In the warm ambience of the pub, as they sip their whiskies, the gentleman, being a bit of a superior smart ass, cannot resist asking, “So how many have you caught today?” The old man sipped his whiskey, and said, “You're the 8th.” Citează Link spre comentariu Distribuie pe alte site-uri More sharing options...
Lup69 Postat Octombrie 1 Share Postat Octombrie 1 14 hours ago, Microbec said: Si tu, Brutus??? pai eu nu's vegan... Citează Link spre comentariu Distribuie pe alte site-uri More sharing options...
The Flying Dutchman Postat Octombrie 1 Autor Share Postat Octombrie 1 My husband and I were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theatre. Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a ‘night light’ and the answering machine, then put the cat in the backyard. When our cab arrived, we walked out our front door and our rather tubby cat scooted between our legs inside, then ran up the stairs. Because our cat likes to chase our budgie we really didn’t want to leave them unchaperoned so my husband ran inside to retrieve her and put her in the back yard again. Because I didn’t want the taxi driver to know our house was going to be empty all evening, I explained to him that my husband would be out momentarily as he was just bidding goodnight to my mother. A few minutes later he got into the cab all hot and bothered, and said, to my growing horror and amusement, as the cab pulled away, “Sorry it took so long but the stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her arse with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off so I grabbed her by the neck and wrapped her in a blanket so she wouldn’t scratch me like she did last time. But it worked! I hauled her fat arse down the stairs and threw her into the backyard… she had better not shit in the vegetable garden again.” The silence in the taxi was deafening… Citează Link spre comentariu Distribuie pe alte site-uri More sharing options...
Nguyen Postat Octombrie 1 Share Postat Octombrie 1 “He who is without oil shall cast out the first rod...” - Detonations 5:72. Citează Link spre comentariu Distribuie pe alte site-uri More sharing options...
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