FUN

[The Flying Dutchman]

An elderly couple talk in the evening:

“Honey, I'm so sorry that I let out my anger at you so often. How do you manage to stay so calm with my foul moods?”

“I always go and clean the toilet when that happens.”

“And that helps?”

“Yes, because I'm using your toothbrush.”

[Lup69]

[apriliacluj]

Fair enough

[The Flying Dutchman]

A guy knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow. One day he notices he is wearing earrings and is curious about his sudden change in “fashion sense”.

He walks up to him and says, “I didn't know you were into earrings.”

“Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring,” he replies sheepishly.

His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to ask, “So, how long have you been wearing one?”

“Ever since my wife found it in my truck.”

[Lup69]

[The Flying Dutchman]

A cat dies and goes to heaven.

God says “You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask”.

The cats says: “Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors”.

God says: “Say no more.”

Instantly, a fluffy pillow appears.

A few days later, six mice die and go to heaven.

God meets them at the gate with the same offer that he made the cat.

The mice say: “All our lives we've had to run. Cats, dogs and even women with brooms have chased us. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn't have to run anymore”.

God says: “Say no more.”

And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.

About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing.

The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow.

God gently wakes him and asks: “How are you doing? Are you happy here?”

The cat yawns and stretches and says: “Oh, I've never been happier in my life. And those meals on wheels you've been sending over are the best!”

[ENEOS]

[Lup69]

[The Flying Dutchman]

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.

The man replies, “I am on my way to a lesson about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late.”

The officer then asks, “Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?”

The man replies, “That would be my wife.”

[Lup69]

https://fb.watch/u9Dld0HDZX/

Editat August 24 de Lup69

[The Flying Dutchman]

It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby, a pretty hip guy with his own car, goes to pick up his date.

When he goes to the front door, the girl's father answers and invites him in.

“Carrie's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?” he says.

“That's cool,” says Bobby.

Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning to do.

Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie.

Carrie's father responds, “Why don't you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it.”

Naturally, this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby, so he asks Carrie's dad to repeat it.

“Oh yeah," says Carrie's father, "our Carrie really loves to screw. She'd screw all night if we'd let her!”

Well, this makes Bobby's eyes light up, and his plan for the evening is beginning to look pretty good.

A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she's ready to go.

Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door.

About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her father: “Damn it, Daddy! It's called the twist!”

[ENEOS]

[Lup69]

[The Flying Dutchman]

Speaking with the General

It was a dark, stormy, night. The marine was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty.

A general stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervous young private snapped to attention, made a perfect salute, and snapped out “Sir, good evening, sir!”

The general, out for some relaxation, returned the salute and said “Good evening soldier, nice night, isn't it?”

Well, it wasn't a nice night, but the private wasn't going to disagree with the general, so the he saluted again and replied “Sir, yes sir!”

The general continued, “You know there's something about a stormy night that I find soothing, it's really relaxing. Don't you agree?”

The private didn't agree, but then the private was just a private, and responded “Sir, yes sir!”

The general, pointing at the dog, “This is a golden retriever, the best type of dog to train.”

The private glanced at the dog, saluted yet again and said “Sir, yes sir!”

The general continued “I got this dog for my wife.”

The private simply said “Good trade, sir!”

[Kassu]

[The Flying Dutchman]

A tourist is picked up by a cabbie in New York on a dark night.

After some timer the passenger taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him something.

The driver screams, loses control of the car, nearly hits a bus, drives up on the sidewalk and stops inches from a shop window.

The driver says, "Look friend, don't ever do that again! You scared the daylights out of me!"

The passenger apologizes and says he didn't realize that a "little tap" could scare him so much.

The driver replies, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver; I've been driving hearses for the last 25 years."

[ENEOS]

[Penetru]

Pentru ingineri.

[apriliacluj]

OMFG.....

[ENEOS]

Acum 50 minute, Penetru a spus:

Pentru ingineri.

Acolo eu zic că e un bolț gros pe care șurubul ăla + șaibele doar îl asigură să nu iasă.

[apriliacluj]

daca era bolt, atunci la celalalt capat ar fi trebuit sa fie un splint (cui spintecat), 

personal, sunt convins ca e o farsa, nimeni nu poate fi atat de prost sa dimensioneze in asa hal acea prindere

[ENEOS]

Da' ce, bolțurile pistoanelor au splinturi?!?

Editat August 26 de ENEOS

[apriliacluj]

tu privesti lucrurile dpdv auto, eu industrial

[Lup69]

6 hours ago, Penetru said:

Pentru ingineri.

Ba sa stiti ca tipul/modelul asta de "asamblare" l-am vazut in mai multe locatii, sper sa mai am si foto, erau vremuri cand aveam camera cu mine tot timpul....

[Penetru]