Hai să râdem!

[Ioana Suzuki]

Funny Motorcycling Quotes

 

98% of all Harleys ever sold are still on the road. The other 2% made it home.

Anonymous

 

I'd rather be riding my motorcycle thinking about God than sitting in church thinking about my motorcycle.

Anonymous

 

I believe many Harley guys spend more time revving their engines than actually driving anywhere; I sometimes wonder why they bother to have wheels on their motorcycles.

Dave Barry

 

 

Funny racing quotes

 

 

* Aerodynamics are for people who cannot build engines. (Enzo Ferrari)

 

* All I had to do is keep turning left! (George Robson - Winner of the 1946 Indy 500)

 

* Anyone can drive a fast car, few can drive a car fast.

 

* Auto racing, bull fighting, and mountain climbing are the only real sports...

all the others are games. (Jim Dietz)

 

* Calling upon my years of experience, I froze at the controls. (Stirling Moss)

 

* The cost of racing hasn't increased in 30 years. Back then, it took everything you had. And it still does.

 

* Fast cars drag race, fast drivers road race.

 

* Faster, faster, faster, until the thrill of speed overcomes the fear of death... (Hunter Thompson)

 

* Friends don't let friends apex early.

 

* Horsepower has this tendency to break things. If you're not breaking anything you're not going fast enough.

 

* I always ask God for blessings of protection on that person in the car, for blessings of protection on the crew as they're attending to the car on pit road. And I always ask for peace of mind for the wife. (Dale Beaver - NASCAR chaplain)

 

* I don't know driving in another way which isn't risky. Each one has to improve himself. Each driver has its limit. My limit is a little bit further than other's. (Ayrton Senna)

 

* I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

 

* I feel safe when I'm on the racetrack, I really do. I know that I'm surrounded by the best drivers in the world. That's something you can't say when you're driving down the interstate. (Sterling Marlin)

 

* I feel safer on a racetrack than I do on Houston's freeways. (A. J. Foyt)

 

* I live my life a quarter mile at a time.

 

* I was doing fine until about mid-corner when I ran out of talent.

 

* If I had all the money I'd spent on cars...I'd spend it all on cars.

 

* If you can't run with the big dogs, Stay on the porch

 

* If you're going to lead, then lead.

If you're going to follow, get the hell out of my way!

 

* In the old days drivers were fat and tires were skinny.

 

* It has been said that motor racing shares in common with sex the distinction of being one of the most popular, most maligned and least understood of human activities.

 

* It is amazing how may drivers, even at the Formula One Level, think that the brakes are for slowing the car down. (Mario Andretti)

 

* It is not always possible to be the best, but it is always possible to improve your own performance. (Jackie Stewart)

 

* It's basically the same, just darker. (Alan Kulwicki - on racing Saturday nights as opposed to Sunday afternoons)

 

* Life may begin at 30, but it doesn't get real interesting until about 150.

 

* Never drive faster then your guardian angel can fly.

 

* Never run out of real estate, traction and ideas at the same time.

 

* The number of laps remaining is always one more than the amount of fuel left in the car.

 

* The number of times you get hit in a pileup is directly proportional to the number of times you said "I think it will go ok today".

 

* The older I get, the faster I was.

 

* On the other side of fear there is freedom!

 

* Once you've raced, you never forget it...and you never get over it. (Richard Childress)

 

* Oversteer is when your ass hits the wall, Understeer is when your face hits the wall!

 

* Oversteer scares passengers, understeer scares drivers.

 

* A part never breaks during a test session, only during a race. And the part you need will be the one you left at the shop.

 

* The price for men in motion is the occasional collision... (Carroll Smith)

 

* Race car drivers love the fast lane.

 

* Race cars are neither beautiful nor ugly. They become beautiful when they win. (Enzo Ferrari)

 

* Racing is living, everything else is just waiting.

 

* Racing is the process of turning money into noise.

 

* Racing's less of a sport these days than a commercial break doing 150 mph. (Peter Dunne)

 

* The shortest way between two points is a straight line...what's the fun in that?

 

* Straights are for fast cars. Turns are for fast drivers.

 

* A 10-car pileup never happens behind you!

 

* There's no secret. You just press the accelerator to the floor and steer left. (Bill Vukovich)

 

* To achieve anything in this game you must be prepare to dabble in the boundary of disaster. (Sterling Moss)

 

* To finish first, first you have to finish

 

* What sets these - and all - racers apart from less daredevilish mortals is their complete lack of fear and their joy of doing something on the edge. They love to speed because it is dangerous. (Peter Golenback)

 

* What's behind you doesn't matter. (Enzo Ferrari)

 

* When I look fast, I'm not smooth and I am going slowly. And when I look slow, I am smooth and going fast. (Alain Prost)

 

* When you win a race your on top that day, so take it for what its worth, have a good time and party, cause the next day when you get out of bed, the meter goes back to zero again. (Bobby Allison)

 

* Winners win races. Champions make it look easy.

 

* Wrecks are going to happen in this business, that's just a risk of the sport. If you can't keep from worrying about it, then you're in the wrong line of work. (Coo Coo Marlin)

 

* You will never know the feeling of a driver when winning a race. The helmet hides feelings that cannot be understood. (Ayrton Senna)

 

* You win some, you lose some, you wreck some. (Dale Earnhardt)*

 

1. Don't brake until you see God, just don't meet him

2. Winning by 1/2", is still winning

3. Its more fun to have more horsepower then talent

4. If I caught you, you are slower

5. And I quote this months car Craft "unlike car racing, golf, football, and soccer only require one ball"*

6. If Americans were real racers, they would race DOWN Pikes Peak*

 

#3 Buddy Baker speaking of an ill-handling Cup car at Darlington when TNN did the race:*"I wouldn't get outta' the electric chair to drive that thing".*

 

#2 Kyle Petty describing Bobby Hillen's point of view after Hillen creamed him during a minor spin-out at Talladega:*"Here comes that blind boy again".

 

#1 Felix Sabates talking about fast race cars(and you have to apply your best Cuban accent when you're reading this):*"If money is what makes these cars fast, my cars otta be going 400 miles an hour!".*

 

Typical saying for a squid at a local circle track - "He hit everything but the snackbar"

 

Buddy Baker - Bustin' a timin' chain is like throwin' a brick at a clock

 

Buddy Baker - Passin' Earnhardt is like trying to take a bone out of a Pit Bulls mouth*

 

"If you can leave two black stripes from the exit of one corner to the braking zone of the next, you finally enough horsepower". Mark Donohue

 

"You don't have to help, just don't get in the way!" JP

 

"Anyone can drive a perfect racecar, it takes a REAL man to drive this shitbox"

Captain Wally

 

"This is a logistical nightmare" Bruce MacInnes

 

"I never lost it, I just ran outta room to save it...."

 

"Parts don't break. We break them" - Carroll Smith

 

"Mr. Bentley - He builds fast trucks." - E. Bugatti

 

"It was very fast in a certain kind of turn. Unfortunately, none of the tracks had that kind of turn."*

 

"Turbochargers are for people who can't build engines."---Keith Duckworth, Cosworth Engines

 

"The guys that are winning are the guys standing on the biggest pile of parts!" Carrol Smith

 

"Why worry about death, it'll come sooner or later." Jim Dunn

 

Never trade the thrills of living for the security of existence.*

 

If you think you don’t need a helmet, you probably don’t.*

 

If you wait, all that happens is you get older.

 

If you can’t get it going with bungee cords and electrician’s tape, it’s serious.*

 

Only a Biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window.*

 

Never run out of real estate, traction and ideas at the same time.

[SilviuCBR]

http://marlani.ro/2011/06/29/inteligentul-din-cheile-bicazului/#more-6839

[Kassu]

[SilviuCBR]

se zice ca sunt la moda prostiile astea acu'

[Kassu]

se zice ca sunt la moda prostiile astea acu'

 

Normal! Tin loc de stiinta legislatiei si de experienta la volan!

Iti dai seama ca tre' sa te feresti in trafic de tutele astea ca dreac de tamaie...

Nu (ne) vad din cauza genelor tip EBA.

Daca si "buzitele" le-or avea la fel...

[SilviuCBR]

Normal! Tin loc de stiinta legislatiei si de experienta la volan!

Iti dai seama ca tre' sa te feresti in trafic de tutele astea ca dreac de tamaie...

Nu (ne) vad din cauza genelor tip EBA.

Daca si "buzitele" le-or avea la fel...

mm lor

[Kassu]

O beutura delicioasa intr-un bar din Wellington...

Have you met our Horse?

[@jinx]

Cine-a mai ramas in Romania :

Zugravul.

Are o tigara in coltul gurii si chef de munca in coltul indepartat al vietii. Tricoul rupt de pe el nu-ti da nici o idee despre

onorariul pe care il va cere la capatul unei zile de spoit in lene,pe un perete care nu se poate opune sau fugi. Ideile lui sint alea din reclama

de la bere. Nevoile sint cele naturale, si in multe dintre ele apare si un copac, exact ca in cazul ciinilor. Viata lui e si ea o reclama:la societatea moderna, care a reusit cumva sa elimine selectia naturala.

 

Acum 30 de mii de ani, zugravul ar fi fost ucis pe loc, dupa primul cerb desenat strimb in pestera, la Lascaux .

 

Baba urbana .

Spre deosebire de sora ei de la sat, baba urbana a vazut multe si stie tot. Isi uraste, in ordine, nora, vecina, vecinul,

administratorul, cartierul, orasul. Paradoxal, isi iubeste insa tara, chiar daca nu-I poate gasi alte calitati decit acelea cu care a ramas din

cartea >> de romana, 1955. Baba urbana banuieste ca totul in jurul eie facut s-o fure: administratia blocului, compania de gaze, strainul care tocmai a

intrat in hol si se uita suspect la cutiile de scrisori. Asta nu-I face in nici un fel viata mai buna. Destinul babei e sa moara, iar ea accepta

asta si nu se mai ocupa cu absolut nimic. La noi lipsesc cu desavirsire babele din America , alea care se duc voluntare la ONG-uri, sau alea din Franta,

care merg la mitinguri, cind nu citesc literatura de stinga. Babele noastre doar voteaza, maninca mult, birfesc toata lumea si circula gratis cu RATB.

 

Soferul manelist.

E rapid, pentru ca nu poate fi nimic altceva, in afara de negustor de droguri sau combinator de terenuri. Cel mai bun lucru din

viata lui e motorul, facut de un neamt cu mult mai destept, insa soferul nostru nu pare sa sesizeze ironia. Ii place sa imparta: pumni, muzica, opinii.

Stie despre tine ca esti prost. Stie ca el e destept, iar viata, in felul asta, devine foarte simpla. De-aia soferul manelist e cel

mai relaxat dintre romanii care au ramas in tara . Cind te intrebi de ce Mazare a pus palmieri la Constanta , raspunsul e limpede pe sosea: pentru

ca maimutele erau deja acolo. Si nici n-aveau dusmani naturali.

 

Inginerul.

A lucrat cindva in cercetare. Revolutia l-a prinsla planseta, desenind cladiri urite, cu speranta ca intr-o buna zi va fi

lasat sa fie genial. Cind a fost lasat, a continuat sa fie el insusi, cu program clar: Dimineata la 8 la serviciu, la 5 acasa, la 8 la a doua sticlade

vin.

Inauntrul lui sint o multime de bagaje desfacute si lasate asa, in lipsa de o noua destinatie: literatura SF, poeti optzecisti, doua-trei iubiri,

neaparat consumate la Costinesti, cu Radiovacanta undeva in surdina. Se misca greu printre ele si de-aia e deprimat. Spera sa vina vremuri mai

bune, chiar si cind apar la orizont, el spera ca o sa-i bata la usa, sa-l ia de mina pina in Germania, unde sigur cineva stie de lucrarea lui de diploma,

o revolutie la vremea ei.

 

Bogatul.

In ciuda previziunilor optimiste ale telenovelelor, bogatii nu pling. Nu au de ce, nu au cind, nu le-a adus aminte secretara.

Cei mai multi nu stiu ca sint bogati - pentru ca nu se mai masoara in raport cu tine, ci in raport cu alti bogati. Chestia asta aduce cu sine o

situatie pe care nici psihologul platit cu 200 euro/ora n-o poate rezolva: sint bogati cu Mercedes care sufera ca n-au Bugatti. Bogatul roman are si o

alta problema: nu e bogat decit aici. Cind iese din tara ,e doar ostentativ.

 

Baiatul de club.

El e in general fiul celui de mai sus. Ziua lui de munca e noaptea, spaima lui e moartea de plictiseala. Exemplarele cele mai robust

rezista fara mincare o saptamina si pina la doua zile fara paparazzi.

Ideile lui sint simple: mosule, du-te tu la scoala, daca n-ai bani de distractie!

Zilele lui sint numarate: le numara presa de scandal si poporul odata cu

ea, cind scoate din frigider brinza, la o salata de rosii taiate repede, pina nu incepe Magda la OTV.

Toti astia au ramas in tara . Restul au plecat, si nu in concediu. Or mai fi si altii, nu stiu, e treaba institutelor sa ne zica.

Ce vreau eu sa va spun e altceva:

 

Uitati-va la ei si incercati apoi sa va inchipuiti ca, din marfa asta, trebuie sa facem o natiune.

[Dan Cata]

[arw357]

Adam savage ...gollum .. i will survive

 

 

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X9eriClHWLw

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Magic4Ce]

Aici sunt banii Dumneavoastra

[cristi cbr]

Aici sunt banii Dumneavoastra

ceva mai vechi n'ai gasit?

[arw357]

Ia una veche de la mine, nu e fun dar e emotionanta pentru cei peste 20 si 4 ani!

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IymfhAtH268

 

 

 

Si ceva fun ca sa ma scuz:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JrtoSBC5F8&feature=related

 

 

 

 

 

 

si inca una:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eabQwoQALU4

 

Gata..

 

 

Editat Iunie 30, 2011 de arw357

[SilviuCBR]

http://robikers.ro/news/motociclist-de-94-de-ani-experienta-de-619-275-km-pe-doua-roti/

[IceLord]

Homosexualul si Sadicul se intalnesc si se gandesc ei sa o faca impreuna odata, in prima zi homosexualul isi face de cap cu sadicul si i-o da peste tot si in tot, a doua zi sadicul

ii strange scula la homo in menghina dupa care ii arata o lama de barberit.

Homo: Da ce vrei sa faci cu aia?

Sadicul: Eu nimic, ti-o dau tie ca eu merg sa dau foc la casa ca de restul te descurci tu!

[Louis Cyphre]

probabil trebuia sa deschida falcile la menghina cu lama...

[kinzo_2004]

L-ai cam umplut de sange, lordule

Editat Iulie 1, 2011 de kinzo_2004

[Ioana Suzuki]

A fost o dată un evreu înțelept.. ÂŞi zicea el că totul se poate reduce la ce ai în cap. Îl chema Solomon.

 

După el, a venit un alt evreu înțelept. ÂŞi zicea el că totul se poate reduce la ce ai în inimă. Îl chema Isus.

 

După el, a venit un al treilea evreu înțelept. ÂŞi zicea el că totul se poate reduce la ce ai în stomac. Îl chema Marx.

 

După el, a venit un al patrulea evreu înțelept Âşi a zis că totul se poate reduce la ce ai între picioare. Îl chema Freud.

 

La sfârÂşit, a venit un alt evreu, mai înțelept decât toți (pe nume Einstein), Âşi a zis: "Totul e relativ"

 

 

***********************

 

 

Ion si Vasile.

- Vasile, am fost in Turcia la all inclusive, exceptional: mananci cat vrei, bei cat vrei, cu bar la piscina, lux mare. Da' sa vezi ce faza patesc: ma duc intr-o dimineata la micul dejun, Maria mea ramane in camera. Cand ma intorc, ia-o pe Maria de unde nu-i. O caut peste tot, ma panichez, ma duc la receptie si aflu ca e in camera la Antonio Banderas. Ma duc acolo, bat la usa, deschide Antonio. Antonio, barbat bine: inalt, frumos, plin de muschi, brunet, ochi albastri, fara pic de burta. Cand colo, iese Maria mea dezbracata din baie! Cu tatzele vai mama ei, curu lasat, cearcane ....... ba, mi-a fost o rusine de omul ala ...

Editat Iulie 1, 2011 de Ioana Suzuki

[IceLord]

probabil trebuia sa deschida falcile la menghina cu lama...

poate a facut ca evreii )

 

L-ai cam umplut de sange, lordule

mai simplu a fost perfect sadic

[_Dexter]

Citat dintr-o scrisorica primita de la finante

 

 

"Suntem nevoiti sa va returnam declaratia fiscala cu rugamintea sa o revedeti si sa faceti corecturile necesare, deoarece nu putem accepta raspunsul dvs. de la rubrica PERSOANE AFLATE IN INTRETINERE unde ati trecut Guvernul, Parlamentul, functionarii administratiei locale, judetene si de stat precum si cateva milioane de tigani si pensionari pe caz de boala".

[Vizitator Ahamana]

funny crash Editat Iulie 2, 2011 de Ahamana

[SilviuCBR]

funny crash

'olei..ne'am ras de mult

[Jorge Lorenzo]

'olei..ne'am ras de mult

 

Si chiar de mai multe ori (cel putin de 3 ori a fost postata)

[Razorbladed]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kiHXKcjEvU8&feature=player_embedded#at=51

[cicloburu]

În căsnicie, dragostea e ca supa: primele linguri sînt fierbinți Âşi poți să te frigi, iar ultimele sînt reci Âşi mai eÂşti Âşi sătul.