FUN

[The Flying Dutchman]

A blonde has just inherited a ranch but only had two horses. The problem was she couldn’t tell them apart. So she goes to her neighbor rancher and asks for help.
He suggests cutting ones tail a bit shorter then the other.
She does it but then a week later she comes back and tells the neighbor rancher that it grew back.
So he tells her to tie a different colored string around one of the horses neck.
She does it but a week later the tie slips off and she has to go back to the neighbor.
So he suggest she paint a different color spot on each of the horses.
She does and comes back a week later with cookies. She tells the neighbor rancher, “Here I baked these for you. Your plan worked perfectly. I painted a red spot on the black horse and a blue spot on the white horse.”

[Penetru]

Editat Luni la 09:38 de apriliacluj
jokes only in english

[The Flying Dutchman]

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.

As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.

The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away.

He put the beast out and headed home.

Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home.

At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.

Hours later the man calls home to his wife: “Jen, is the cat there?”

“Yes”, the wife answers, “why do you ask?”

Frustrated, the man answered, “Put that son of a bitch on the phone, I'm lost and need directions!”

[Lup69]

[The Flying Dutchman]

A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband's key in the door.
“Stay where you are,” she said. “He's so drunk he won't even notice you're in bed with me.”
Sure enough, the husband lurched into bed none the wiser, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed. He turned to his wife: “Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What's going on?”
“Nonsense,” said the wife. “You're so drunk you miscounted. Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there.”
The husband climbed out of the bed and counted, “One, two, three, four. You are right, you know.”

[ENEOS]

[Lup69]

8 hours ago, The Flying Dutchman said:

A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband's key in the door.
“Stay where you are,” she said. “He's so drunk he won't even notice you're in bed with me.”
Sure enough, the husband lurched into bed none the wiser, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed. He turned to his wife: “Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What's going on?”
“Nonsense,” said the wife. “You're so drunk you miscounted. Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there.”
The husband climbed out of the bed and counted, “One, two, three, four. You are right, you know.”

Asta nu era din "Pacala"?

[The Flying Dutchman]

No idea. 

[Lup69]

5 hours ago, The Flying Dutchman said:

No idea. 

Now you have...

 

[The Flying Dutchman]

[Penetru]

 

Editat ieri la 08:13 de Penetru

[The Flying Dutchman]

[Nguyen]

 

 

[The Flying Dutchman]

A farmer is in the middle of plowing his field when his tractor runs out of gas.
He needs to get back to the farm, but it's too far for him and his dog, Old Joe, to walk. He wanders out to the road and flags down a sports car.
The driver says, “I'll give you a ride, but that dog can't get in my car.”
The farmer says, “Don't worry, Old Joe will keep up.”
The driver decides to show off and open up the engine for max speed.
Just as he's going into fifth gear, he looks out the window and sees Old Joe right beside him.
In amazement, he slams on the brakes and Old Joe comes to a halt.
The driver jumps out, exclaiming: “He's the most incredible dog I've ever seen! Is there something special about that collar he's wearing?”
The farmer shakes his head and says: “That's not a collar. That's his asshole. He's not used to stopping that fast.”

[Penetru]

Nu este în engleză dar adevărul este că engleza e în realitate limba franceză vorbită cu un accent ciudat.