Hai să râdem!

[Petru Moldovan]

Se organizează un concurs pentru a vedea care este cel mai isteț, cel mai abil, cel mai destept etc. preÂşedinte. Se prezinta la concurs Bush, Putin si Băse Âşi li se spune tema: intr-o hală sunt 500.000 papagalițe si un papagal. Fiecare trebuie să intre si să prindă papagalul.

Intră primul Bush, incepe o hărmalaaaaie mare acolo, chirăilăăăăăă pe păsări, nenorocire! Stă ăsta înăuntru, stăăă, stăăă .... nu mai iesea. Dupa vreo 2 ore de nenorocire iese Bush, plin de găinaț, cu părul vâlvoi, obosit mort Âşi cu o pasăre in mână si zice:

- Ăsta e!

Se uita juriul sub coada si zice:

- Nu e ăsta, e papagaliță!

Intra Putin, sta si ăsta vreo ora, tot harmalaaaaie, urgie etc. Iese mai repede, după vreo oră, mizerabil tot, cu o pasăre in mână si zice:

- Ăsta e!

Se uita juriul sub coada si zice:

- Nu e ăsta, e papagaliță!

Intră Âşi Băse, Âşi deodată se lasă liniÂştea în hală Âşi după vreo 30 de secunde iese cu o pasăre in mână si zice:

- Ăsta e!

Se uita juriul sub coada si zice:

- Ăsta e, domne!

Ăilalți doi se holbau tâmpiți Âşi întreabă:

- Cum dracu ai reuÂşit, mă?

- Păi, zice Băse, am intrat înăuntru am făcut doi paÂşi, m-am oprit Âşi am strigat "Să trăiți bine!" Âşi în liniÂştea care s-a lăsat l-am văzut pe găozarul ăsta când a zis:

- Du-te-n p ** a mea!

[mihaiand]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fNWbilQhKmA

[Smooch]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fNWbilQhKmA

 

tare tare..stiam

[sharpe]

[PepsiMan]

Cum se danseaza la nunta 1

 

Cum se danseaza la nunta 2

[shadowrider]

Un bărbat urât intră în barul local, cu un rânjet mare pe față.

- De ce eÂşti atât de fericit? îl întreabă barmanul.

- Ei bine, o să-ți povestesc, răspunde urâtul. ÂŞtii, eu locuiesc în apropierea căii ferate. Când m-am întors acasă, noaptea trecută, am observat că o femeie tânără este legată de Âşine, ca în filme. Desigur, am mers acolo Âşi am eliberat-o din legături Âşi am dus-o la mine acasă. ÂŞi ca să nu mai lungim vorba, am avut parte de ceva deosebit- am făcut dragoste toată noaptea, peste tot în casă, când eu deasupra, când ea, în toate pozițiile imaginabile!

- Fantastic! exclamă barmanul. EÂşti un norocos. ÂŞi era frumoasă?

- Nu Âştiu, că nu i-am găsit capul.

[Fram-Ursul Kevlar]

ADEVARATII SPARTANI

 

http://www.trilulilu.ro/NFlorynN/bad7128ff0d69f

 

inca unul... Parodie LOTR

 

http://www.trilulilu.ro/cipcirip/f804780998b623

 

si ultimul pe ziua de azi...Parodie Spider Man

 

http://www.trilulilu.ro/florin_hau/01633ed7fec220

Editat Februarie 11, 2008 de Fram-Ursul Kevlar

[newprofiler1978]

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

 

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

 

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

 

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

 

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

 

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

 

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

 

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

 

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

 

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

 

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

 

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

 

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

 

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

 

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

 

 

Glad to be drunk

 

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."

 

Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

 

"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."

 

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."

 

 

Marriage Lessons

On their 40th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.

 

"Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?"

 

Tom responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness --and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single."

 

 

--- Mesaj completat în 11 Feb 2008 14:41 -------------
Si inca unul:

 

What women would do if they had a penis for a day:

 

10. Get ahead faster in corporate America.

 

9. Get a blow job.

 

8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.

 

7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.

 

6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently.

 

5. Find out what it's like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.

 

4. Touch yourself in public without thought as to how improper it may seem.

 

3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.

 

2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between a man's eyes and the ruler situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement.

 

1. Repeat number 9......

 

 

What men would do if they had a vagina for a day:

 

10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.

 

9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.

 

8. See if they could finally do the splits.

 

7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.

 

6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.

 

5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes ... BEFORE closing time.

 

4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.

 

3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.

 

2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.

 

1. Finally find that damned G-spot.

Editat Februarie 11, 2008 de newprofiler1978

[mircea.cazachevici]

http://www.woow.ro/prezentare/Accidente_de..._-_Jamaica.html

[grumpy]

 

 

Uite frate aici :

 

--- Mesaj completat în 11 Feb 2008 17:09 -------------
sau asa:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=etB17PuKh8w...feature=related

[Infinity]

niste limbi de la mine:

http://www.libo.ru/i447.html

[radum90]

Un pedofil mergea cu o fetiza intr-o padure deasa si intunecata noaptea.

- Fetiza: “Imi e frica! Unde ma duci?”

- El: “Tie ti-e frica? Da io ca ma intorc acasa singur?!

[Just_John]

Nush daca a mai fost, da' uite cum se reglau Trabanturile: Link

[cicloburu]

Bunicul il intreaba pe nepotel:

- Cum il cheama pe neamtul ala mic care imi tot ascunde lucrurile?

- Alzheimer, bunicule!

[Cycler]

La unii le le foame

 

[crazyahmed]

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

 

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

 

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

 

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

 

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

 

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

 

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

 

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

 

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

 

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

 

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

 

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

 

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

 

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

 

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

 

 

Glad to be drunk

 

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."

 

Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

 

"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."

 

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."

 

 

Marriage Lessons

On their 40th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.

 

"Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?"

 

Tom responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness --and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single."

<small>--- Mesaj completat în 11 Feb 2008 14:41 -------------</small><br/>Si inca unul:

 

What women would do if they had a penis for a day:

 

10. Get ahead faster in corporate America.

 

9. Get a blow job.

 

8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.

 

7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.

 

6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently.

 

5. Find out what it's like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.

 

4. Touch yourself in public without thought as to how improper it may seem.

 

3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.

 

2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between a man's eyes and the ruler situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement.

 

1. Repeat number 9......

What men would do if they had a vagina for a day:

 

10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.

 

9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half.

 

8. See if they could finally do the splits.

 

7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet.

 

6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.

 

5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes ... BEFORE closing time.

 

4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.

 

3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video.

 

2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.

 

1. Finally find that damned G-spot.

 

se apropie un strain de doi ciobani:

do you speak english?

noo, noi ma, nu stim!

sprechen sie deutsch?

noo, noi ma, nu stim!

parlare italiano?

noo, noi ma, nu stim!

parlez vous francais?

noo, noi ma, nu stim!

pleaca ala dezamagit...zice un cioban celuilalt ai vazut bade ce destept e ala, cate limbi stie?

no si la ce i-o ajutat?

 

cu alte cuvinte, ma "foot" in engleza de copy/paste a ta bai ca n-am rabdare sa citesc.

 

<small>--- Mesaj completat în 12 Feb 2008 03:04 -------------</small><br/>

Nush daca a mai fost, da' uite cum se reglau Trabanturile: Link

 

si crezi ca loganurile se fac altfel? aia cel putin sunt nemti am mai multa incredere in ei decat in betivanu de nea ghita.

"merge si asa", cum s-a cladit comunismul...

 

 

foarte fain

Editat Februarie 12, 2008 de crazyahmed

[newprofiler1978]

Un baietel privea atent la un preot care-si repara gardul de la gradina.

- De ce ma privesti asa de atent, fiule? intreaba preotul.

- Vreau sa aflu ce zice un preot cand isi da cu ciocanul peste degete!

 

@crazyahmed: trage o linie pe un perete si treci pe sub ea! Chiar m-a amuzat postul tau bah frustratule! Daca n-ai rabdare NU CITI si ai grija ce vorbesti!

[Petru Moldovan]

Un tip sparge o banca si ia cativa ostatici. Intreaba agresiv pe primul retinut:

 

“Spune-mi, m-ai vazut jefuind banca?”

 

Ostaticul raspunde: “Da!”

 

Fara sa mai stea pe ganduri, hotul il impusca in cap. Apoi intreaba acelasi lucru pe cel de-al doilea ostatic, care zice:

 

“Eu nu te-am vazut, dar te-a vazut nevasta mea."

 

-------------

 

 

 

Dupa cativa ani de casnicie,saturandu-se sa se tot certe, un cuplu se

hotaraste sa apeleze la un consilier. Cand ajung la cabinetul consilierului,

acesta ii intreaba direct:

- Care este problema? Imediat, sotul face o fata lunga si se aseaza pe

scaun fara a spune nimic. Sotia incepe sa vorbeasca non stop, descriind

problemele casatoriei. Dupa ce o asculta 5, 10, 15 minute, consilierul

se apleaca peste ea, o ia de umeri, o saruta pasional , si o lasa

inapoi pe scaun. Dupa aceasta, sotia statea intr-un colt, muta de placere.

Consilierul se uita la sot, care se uita si el la ei, fara sa-i vina a crede.

 

Consilierul ii spune:

- Sotia dvs. are NEVOIE de asta de cel putin doua ori pe saptamana!

Sotul se scarpina si raspunde:

- Pai as putea sa o aduc aici in fiecare marti si joi.

Editat Februarie 12, 2008 de pmoldovan

[grumpy]

http://youtube.com/watch?v=rWYZM4Wj7ZI

[crazyahmed]

Un baietel privea atent la un preot care-si repara gardul de la gradina.

- De ce ma privesti asa de atent, fiule? intreaba preotul.

- Vreau sa aflu ce zice un preot cand isi da cu ciocanul peste degete!

 

@crazyahmed: trage o linie pe un perete si treci pe sub ea! Chiar m-a amuzat postul tau bah frustratule! Daca n-ai rabdare NU CITI si ai grija ce vorbesti!

 

 

ti-am raspuns cu un banc si intentionam un ton amical. daca atat ai priceput...hai sa nu ne certam ce naiba

[sharpe]

Ultimul model de harley, editie limitata.

 

PS: ce se intampla? De cateva saptamani n-a mai postat nimeni clipul cu Achmed, teroristul mort...

[newprofiler1978]

ti-am raspuns cu un banc si intentionam un ton amical. daca atat ai priceput...hai sa nu ne certam ce naiba

 

Chiar ma gandeam ca fara copy/paste ar fii cam aiurea sa postezi bancuri. Cat de bancurile lungi... si pe mine ma nervozeaza unele, dar le sar fara a ma agita la cel care le posteaza!

 

 

ontopic: Cel mai scurt banc cu evrei: N-AM!

 

Mami, ce e ala orgasm? intreaba fetita.

Nu stiu, du-te si intreaba-l pe tac´tu...

[cicloburu]

Parca a mai fost, dar na: Un tigan statea pe scari in fata casei sale, cu un bumerang in maini si cu fata plina de sange.

 

Trece pe acolo un prieten de-al lui si zice:

 

- Salut! Ce-ai in mana?

 

- Nu stiu, dracu’ stie!

 

- Atunci de ce naiba-l tii? Arunca-l!

 

- Arunca-l tu ca eu m-am saturat!

 

Si asta:

 

Culmea urateniei: sa nu se întoarca la tine nici bumerangul

 

Editat Februarie 12, 2008 de cicloburu

[grumpy]

un altfel de tango:

 

--- Mesaj completat în 13 Feb 2008 11:14 -------------

PS: ce se intampla? De cateva saptamani n-a mai postat nimeni clipul cu Achmed, teroristul mort...

 

 

Pentru ca ai fost cuminte, iti ofer Achmed cu traducerea in poloneza

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gOj-QruR-QA

 

--- Mesaj completat în 13 Feb 2008 12:45 -------------
De ce nu calci cu masina un tigan aflat pe bicicleta ?

- Pentru ca s-ar putea sa fie bicicleta ta!

 

 

--- Mesaj completat în 13 Feb 2008 14:53 -------------
I: Cum te adresezi unui tigan imbracat la costum?

R: Inculpat, ridica-te.

[Mike06]

cula fizicii:un cal paste pe un camp electric!!