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Hai să râdem!


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  • vintze

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Two guys in a life raft in the middle of the ocean.

 

One sees an old bottle floating. He picks it up and rubs it, and a genie

comes out.

 

The genie says, "For letting me out, I will grant you one wish."

 

The guy says, (without thinking) "Turn this ocean into beer". And the

ocean turns into the best beer anybody has ever tasted.

 

The second guy says to the first, "You idiot, now we'll have to piss in

the boat".

 

 

 

DATING AROUND THE WORLD:

 

WHITE WOMEN:

First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.

Second date: You get to grope all over and make out a bit.

Third date: You get to have sex but only in the missionary position.

 

IRISH WOMEN:

First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

 

ITALIAN WOMEN:

First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.

Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs.

Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists on a 3-carat

ring.

5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of

having sex.

6th Anniversary: You find yourself a Mistress.

 

JEWISH WOMEN:

First Date: You get terrific head.

Second Date: You get even more great head.

Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her and never get head again.

 

CHINESE WOMEN:

First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.

Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens

again.

Third date: You don't even get to the third date and you've already realized

nothing is ever going to happen.

 

INDIAN WOMEN:

First date: Meet her parents.

Second date: Set the date of the wedding.

Third date: Wedding night.

 

BLACK WOMEN:

First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.

Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.

Third Date: You get to pay her rent.

Tenth Date: She's pregnant by someone other than you.

 

MEXICAN WOMEN:

First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have

sex in the back of her car.

Second Date: She's pregnant.

Third Date: She moves in. One week later, her mother, father, his

girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma,

her father's girlfriend's mother, her two cousins, her sister's boyfriend

and his three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of

your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along

the Tijuanastrip.

 

ARAB WOMEN:

First Date: Mother, Father, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, Aunts, Uncles,

Friends and entire Arab community finds out.

Second Date: Guy is shot dead.

No third date.

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da da..eu vreau (sa luati p.ula)

 

ba tu esti facut in eprubeta ? n-au spalat-o bine inainte de ai iesit asa limitat ? chiar ai devenit o mascota

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alt jaf..o sa pun poze cu mine , alea-s FUN!!

 

 

eh....parca asa suna mai bine ce ai vrut tu sa scrii acolo, mancator de rumegush!

si inca o chestiune....topicul "Fun" chiar nu-nseamna nimic pentru tine?Daca "nu", te rog frumos, fa-ti un topic "veniti sa va-njur" si cearta-te acolo cu cine vrea sa-ti posteze, altfel lasa-ma pe mine sa ma relaxez si sa ma distrez citind un banc de buna calitate in timpul unui serviciu stresant....lasa-ma sa rad in liniste nu sa-ti citesc tie injuraturile mahalagioaice din spate cortului unde-ti irosesti patetica viata,

 

Ne-am inteles, mai, jmekere?

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... altfel lasa-ma pe mine sa ma relaxez si sa ma distrez citind un banc de buna calitate in timpul unui serviciu stresant....

:bigstar: :crack: bancuri de buna calitate aici? daca vad unu pe luna e bine (afara de cele postate de mine, binenteles :laugh: )

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Bulã ajunge în America si nu stie cum sã facã rost de bani. Merge el prin oras si vede un cabinet: "Dr. John vindec toate bolile din lume". Mai merge ce mai merge si vede un alt cabinet: "Dr. Smith vindec toate bolile din lume". Se gândeste el sã-si deschidã un cabinet asemãnãtor. Zis si fãcut. "Dr. Bulã vindec toate bolile din lume". Acum concurentii s-au gândit sã-l elimine si trimit la el un om sã spunã cã nu are gust.

 

Pacient : Dom' doctor orice mãnânc nu pot sã simt gustul mâncãrii. Nu stiu ce sã fac?

Bulã : Se rezolvã. Asistentã, vezi dulapul 6, sertarul 5, 2 lingurite.

Pacient : Pãi dom' doctor asta-i câcat.

Bulã : Pacient recãpatat gustul.

A doua zi pacientul vine din nou.

Pacient : Dom' doctor am o mare problemã. Nu tin minte nimic. Uit de la mânã pânã la gurã.

Bulã : Nici o problemã. Se rezolvã. Asistentã, vezi dulapul 6, sertarul 5, 3 lingurite.

Pacientul : Dom' doctor dacã-mi dati iar câcat ...

Bulã : Pacient recãpãtat memoria.

A treia zi pacientul vine iar.

Pacientul titi dom' doctor am o mare problemã. Stiti eu cu femeile nu prea pot, ce mai , nu mi se scoalã.

Bulã : Se rezolvã si asta.Asistenta te rog dezbracã-te.

Se dezbracã asistenta, se miscã pe lângã pacient, nimic.

Bulã : Da e adevãrat dar stati linistit se rezolvã. Asistenta dulapul 6 ,sertarul 5, 6 lingurite.

Pacientul : Dom' doctor dacã-mi dati iar câcat te f*t si pe tine si pe asistentã de nu vã vedeti.

Bulã : Pacient recãpãtat potenta .

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