Hai să râdem!

[Avent]

 

MĂĄrie se suie in pom sa culeaga mere.

Ion, mare smecher, ii fura scara si o intreaba:

- MĂĄrie, ... cu ce te dai jos?

- Cu Rexona.

[DariusB]

Trei tipi: un roman, un tigan si un ungur pescuiesc. La un moment dat li se incurca unditele si prind toti 3 un pestisor de aur. Pestisorul le zice ca din cauza ca toti 3 l-au scos din apa, va indeplini o singura dorinta la fiecare.

Ungurul zice: eu vreau ca toti ungurii sa fie in Ungaria si sa fie bogati si fericiti. Dispare.

Tiganul zice: eu vreau ca toti tiganii sa fie in India fericiti, bogati. Dispare.

Romanul se uita in toate partile si il intreba pe pestisor:

- Ungurii is in Ungaria?

- Da.

- Toti?

- Da.

- Si tiganii in India?

- Da.

- Toti?

- Da.

Se uita la pestisor si zice :

- Mie da-mi o cola.

[grumpy]

M.L., românca emigrata de 15 ani in Canada, cetatean model al noii sale

patrii, duce peste Ocean o viata linistita, mic-burgheza. Isi vede de

serviciu, de familie si de casa enorma, cu piscina, pentru care plateste la

banca rate care ar cocosa zece români la un loc. Pentru ca, in Canada, cei

mai cunoscuti români sint Leonard Doroftei si Lucian Bute, nu Mailat si

compania, originile ei sint privite cu bunavointa si chiar cu simpatie. Pina

intr-una din zilele trecute, cind româncei emigrata in Canada i-a inghetat,

pentru citeva secunde, inima-n piept. Seful ei, un italian emigrat, la

rindul sau, in Canada, a navalit peste ea in birou si i-a pus o intrebare pe

care spera din tot sufletul sa n-o auda niciodata:

"Ai auzit ce-au facut românii tai?".

Femeii, care-si facea treaba excelent la slujba, motiv pentru care fusese

promovata in mai multe rinduri, i s-a urcat tot singele-n cap.

"Da` italienii tai ce-au facut, ma, cind au venit in America? Cine a

inventat mafia americana? Bai, da` ce tupeu de macaronar nenorocit ai!

Poate-mi spui si mie ce fac italienii tai prin România. Vestejiti libidinosi

si tepari, astia-s italienii din România. Va` fa`nculo, fraiere!".

Fiind vorba, totusi, de seful ei, românca n-a spus toate astea decit in

gind. Cu voce tare, s-a prefacut ca habar n-are:

"Nu stiu. Ce-au facut?".

Mirat ca asemenea vesti n-au ajuns pina in Canada, italianul a lamurit-o:

"Cum nu stii? V-ati calificat la Euro.Felicitari!".

"Ai dracu` italienii astia", a suspinat femeia, in urma lui. "Intotdeauna

galanti...".

 

 

--- Mesaj completat în 04 Dec 2007 10:14 -------------
http://www.220.ro/Politistul_tupeist-35980.html

[roolrevolv]

Dimineata, in drum spre serviciu, un evreu vede in statia de tramvai un domn bine facut si foarte bine imbracat.

 

Prezenta lui il intriga.

 

Un domn astfel imbracat nu se duce la serviciu la aceasta ora a diminetii;

 

daca nu se duce, inseamna ca vine;

 

de unde poate veni in zori de zi un domn astfel imbracat decât de la o dama;

 

un domn bine vine de la o dama bine;

 

la noi in cartier sunt trei dame bine:

 

Natasa, care-i insa plecata la Leningrad ,

 

Rashela, dar de la ea vin chiar eu,

 

si sotia mea.

 

Sotia mea are trei amanti: directorul ei (firesc), directorul meu (normal), si pe un oarecare domn Abramovici.

 

- Buna dimineata, domnule Abramovici!

 

- Buna dimineata. Dar de unde ma cunoasteti?

 

- Simpla deductie.

[grumpy]

P*izdaaaaa

[Oryon]

Rock. Robot Rock.

[DariusB]

Three guys were sitting in a bar, talking. One was a doctor, one was a lawyer, and one was a biker. After a sip of his martini, the doctor said, "You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I got my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedes. I figure that if she doesn't like the diamond ring, she will at least like the Mercedes, and she will know that I love her." After finishing his scotch, the lawyer replied, "Well, on my last anniversary, I got my wife a string of pearls and a trip to the Bahamas. I figured that if she didn't like the pearls, she would at least like the trip, and she would know that I love her." The biker then took a big swig from his beer, and said, "Yeah? Well, for my anniversary, I got my old lady a T-shirt and a vibrator. I figured that if she didn't like the T-shirt, she could go fuck herself."

[sharpe]

Un alpinist neasigurat sta sa cada de pe un perete de stanca.

Abia se mai tine cu o mana deasupra haului.

Se uita la cer si striga disperat:

- Doamne, e cineva acolooo ??! Se aude o voce grava:

- Da, fiule!

- Ce sa fac, sa nu ma zdrobesc de pamant?

- Roaga-te sa-ti fie iertate pacatele si desprinde-te de stanca fara teama.

Se gandeste putzin alpinistul, apoi stiga iar:

- Altcineva mai e acolo ???!

 

 

Intr-un compartiment de tren stau cativa tineri si un evreu.

Deodata intra o blonda sexy iar baietii isi fac semne intre ei.

Evreul vazand ii intreaba daca vor ca el sa le aranjaze ceva cu blonda. Sigur spun ei.

Evreul se duce sa vorbeasca cu ea, si le spune baietilor ca treaba e aranjata. Ea vrea cate 100.000 lei de centimetru ....

Accepta ei, ies din compartiment, inta unul cate unul si fiecare care iese e intrebat cat a platit.

2.000.000, 2.500.000, 2.400.000 s.a.m.d.

Iese si evreul si ii intrebat cat a platit.

- 300.000 spune el.

- Cum asa?

- Fratilor, depinde cand ati masurat, raspunde evreul.

[Sanchez]

Rock. Robot Rock.

Care e treaba cu jucaria asta?

Am avut si eu una identica.

[Oryon]

O am eu acasa. Adusa de prin belgia sau austria, nu mai tin minte.

 

Tare rau

[Ralucone]

Jurnalul lui Poponetz

 

(de Mihai Morar Blog.Hotnews.ro)

 

Marți, 4 decembrie 2007, 17:34

 

 

 

13.00. M-am trezit. Mai mergeau doua ore de nanel. Dar de doua zile se schimba bordurile la noi, in Dorobanti, si mereu ma trezesc picamerele la ore de astea, matinale.

 

13.15. Ma sui pe cantar. 55 kilograme. Apoi ma duc la tocul usii. Ma masor. 1,65. Nu m-am mai inaltat de ieri pana azi. Ma uit in oglinda de la baie. Imi place ce vad. Esentele tari se tin in sticlute mici. Ma urc in cada sa fac un dus scotian. La naiba! Ce lipicios sunt! Azi noapte banuiesc ca iar m-am batut cu Don Perignon in Bamboo. N-a fost vina mea! Costelush a inceput! Bataia cu sampanie e cerinta obligatorie pentru noi, baietii de oras. Asta inseamna lipici la fete!

 

13.20. Ma suna Corina. Al zecelea missed call. De data asta nu mai suport. Ii dau reject. Ca sa ma ierte c-am tradus-o vineri in Cabaret cu hostessa aia bruneta de la SIAB, imi cere un weekend de shopping la Milano. Nu-i raspund azi. Astept pana maine sa vad daca imi baga tata banii pe card.

 

14.00 Plec la cafea in Dorobanti, la BT Cafe. Dilema. Iau masina din garaj? Cum dracu sa n-o iau. As face cinci minute pe jos de-acasa pana acolo. Da’ sa-mi las Lamborghiniul in garaj e ca si cum ala de-mi vorbea Elena ca e prieten cu tac’su, de-l poreclesc astia Plesu ar veni la targul de carte fara papion. Sau ala e Patapievici…Nu stiu. Dracu sa-i ia! Elena ii stie ca ea s-a bagat in politica.

 

14.30 Caut de un sfert de ora loc de parcare in Dorobanti. Am gasit unul pe Putul lui Zammfir, da’ nu e bine ca acolo nu-mi vede nimeni calutul cabrat. Trebuie neaparat sa parchez pe Radu Beller, in fata cafenelelor. E imposibil traficul in Bucuresti. Ajung cu intarziere la toate intalnirile importante. O sa vorbesc cu Elena sa-i spuna lu’ tac’su sa-l demit ape Tariceanu din functia de primar al Capitalei.

 

14.45. Rasfoiesc ziarele cu Andrei. Iar n-am aparut nici azi nicaieri. Andrei e peste tot. Ii explic ca trebuie sa o rup cu Corina. Relatia mea cu un manechin mediocru nu-i mai intereseaza nici pe chelnerii de la BT. Imi trebuie ceva care sa ma reinventeze ca subiect de prima pagina. Andrei imi zice sa mai am rabdare ca poate in ianuarie o sa prinda si Corina o emisiune la televiziune. La naiba! Lui ii e usor sa vorbeasca. Ce-i pasa…?! Se iubeste cu fiica Marinarului.

 

17.00 Sunt tot la BT. A plecat Andrei. Acum stau cu Costelush. Fumam Cohiba. Intre timp au mai trecut pe la masa: Claudiu, fiul avocatului, Sida, Ciuhaua. Ne gandim ce facem in seara asta. Asta vrea la Casa Di David, eu ii zic ca ar fi mai productiv sa mergem la prezentarea de moda. Stau de trei ore la cafenea si am obosit. Cre’ca ma dus sa ma culc. M-am saturat sa stau pe uscat si sa astept. Picior de paparazzo n-a trecut azi prin Dorobanti.

 

20.00 Sunt chiaun. M-a trezit tata cand a venit acasa. Ma ia cu texte aburite: ca n-am fost in stare azi nici macar sa platesc cablul si lumina…Bai, ma scutesti?!? Da’ ce sunt eu…am ajuns la aproape 30 de ani ca sa fiu baiatul vostru de mingi. De trei saptamani ma chinui sa duc Lamborginiul la reprezentanta sa-i cipuiasca motorul, n-apuc sa-mi vad capul de treburi si el ma ia cu facturile la utilitati.

 

22.00 Ma plicti la fashion show. Dau spaga la plasator ca sa-mi dea loc in primul rand si vad aceleasi manechine obosite. 90 la suta dintre ele mai au inca parfumul impregnat in tetiera scaunului din dreapta al masinii mele. Trebuie sa evadez. Am ajuns sa ma invart in cerc.

 

1.30. Am masa rezervata in Gaia. Aceiasi prieteni, aceleasi fete, aceleasi coperti Playboy, aceleasi centerfolduri Penthouse, aceeasi muzica, aceiasi chelneri, aceiasi 2000 de euro pe nota de plata. Cum zicea un mos actor o data la o gala de premiere – Banica sau Dinica, nu-i retin bine numele: ‘’Tara mica, mese putine, toata lumea se fute cu toata lumea’’. Macar de-ar intelege lumea ca am si eu o varsta, un statut social, nu mai suport sa mi se spuna Poponet. Vreau o schimbare! Mi-a ajuns viata de partz!

[sharpe]

Jurnalul lui Poponetz

..................................

Cine e Poponetz asta? A devenit trendy sa scri ce face cineva de dimineata pana seara...mai era unu p-aici ca: "m-am scarpinat in kur, mi-am luat tigari, nu era apa calda..."

 

 

 

One day little Johnny heard a noise and peeked into his parents room to

check it out.

He opened the door to see his mom bent over the dresser and dad going at

it behind her. Johnny's dad saw him and gave him a little wink as Johnny

closed the door. After business was finished Dad went to check on little

Johnny. He opened his bedroom door to find Grandma bent over the dresser

and little Johnny going at it behind her. Dad yelled, 'Johnny, what the

hell are you doing?!' Little Johnny replied, 'It's not so funny when its

your mom, is it?!'

[Dan-Andrei]

THE THREE LITTLE PIGS

 

This is a true story, proving how fascinating the mind of a six year old is.

They think so logically.

 

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home. She read ... 'and so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'

 

The teacher paused then asked the class:

 

'And what do you think the man said?'

 

One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly ...'I think the man would have said - 'Well, f*ck me!! A talking pig!'

 

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes

[amitzu]

http://video.neogen.ro/user/19_nyc/u1fk1r0...37fpxxtlf09cu3/

[sharpe]

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/banana]PeanutButterJellyTime[/url] Editat Decembrie 5, 2007 de sharpe

[psycho_vox]

Care e treaba cu jucaria asta?

Am avut si eu una identica.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-_gvBFSYr8

Editat Decembrie 6, 2007 de psycho_vox

[nice_sun_man]

Turnul din Toronto

 

--- Mesaj completat în 06 Dec 2007 11:54 -------------

http://video.neogen.ro/user/19_nyc/u1fk1r0...37fpxxtlf09cu3/

 

Oamenii se descurca mai bine http://ziza.ru/2006/05/26/chlenom-v-rozetku-idiot.html

Editat Decembrie 6, 2007 de nice_sun_man

[cichician]

http://yuxt.com/videos/14685

[legionaru]

Famous Words in the Moon

 

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "One Small Step for Man, One Giant Leap for Mankind" statement, but followed it by several remarks - usual com traffic between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control. Before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."

 

Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut; however, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian nor American space programs.

 

Over the years, many people have questioned him as to what the "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant. On July 5, in Tampa Bay, FL, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong. He finally responded. It seems that Mr. Gorsky had died and so Armstrong felt he could answer the question. When he was a kid, Neil was playing baseball with his brother in the backyard. His brother hit a fly ball which landed in front of his neighbors' bedroom window. The neighbors were Mr and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, he heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, "Oral sex? Oral sex you want? You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"

[grumpy]

[legionaru]

Request for sick leave

 

Thought you might enjoy this article from the Toronto Star newspaper. Think of using it the next time you need a sick day!!

 

One hour after beginning a new job which involved moving a pile of bricks from the top of a two-story house to the ground, a construction worker in the town of Peterborough, Ontario, suffered an accident which hospitalized him. He was instructed by his employer to fill out an accident report. It read:

 

"Thinking I could save time, I rigged a beam with a pulley at the top of the house, and a rope leading to the ground. I tied an empty barrel on one end of the rope, pulled it to the top of the house, and then fastened the other end of the rope to a tree. Going up to the top of the house, I filled the barrel with bricks.

 

"Then I went down and unfastened the rope to let the barrel down. But, unfortunately, the barrel of bricks was now heavier than I, and before I knew what was happening the barrel jerked me up in the air.

 

"I hung on to the rope, and halfway up I met the barrel coming down, receiving a severe blow on the left shoulder.

 

"I then continued to be pulled to the top, banging my head on the beam and then jamming my fingeres into the pulley.

 

"When the barrel hit the ground, the bottom burst, spilling the bricks. As I was now heavier than the barel, I started down at high speed.

 

"Halfway down I met the empty barrel as it was coming up, receiving several cuts from the sharp edges of the barrel boards.

 

"At this point I must have become confused, because I let go of the rope. The barrel came down, striking me on the head, and I woke up in the hospital.

 

"I respectfully request a day of sick leave."

[HondaSan]

Request for sick leave

 

Thought you might enjoy this article from the Toronto Star newspaper. Think of using it the next time you need a sick day!!

 

One hour after beginning a new job which involved moving a pile of bricks from the top of a two-story house to the ground, a construction worker in the town of Peterborough, Ontario, suffered an accident which hospitalized him. He was instructed by his employer to fill out an accident report. It read:

 

"Thinking I could save time, I rigged a beam with a pulley at the top of the house, and a rope leading to the ground. I tied an empty barrel on one end of the rope, pulled it to the top of the house, and then fastened the other end of the rope to a tree. Going up to the top of the house, I filled the barrel with bricks.

 

"Then I went down and unfastened the rope to let the barrel down. But, unfortunately, the barrel of bricks was now heavier than I, and before I knew what was happening the barrel jerked me up in the air.

 

"I hung on to the rope, and halfway up I met the barrel coming down, receiving a severe blow on the left shoulder.

 

"I then continued to be pulled to the top, banging my head on the beam and then jamming my fingeres into the pulley.

 

"When the barrel hit the ground, the bottom burst, spilling the bricks. As I was now heavier than the barel, I started down at high speed.

 

"Halfway down I met the empty barrel as it was coming up, receiving several cuts from the sharp edges of the barrel boards.

 

"At this point I must have become confused, because I let go of the rope. The barrel came down, striking me on the head, and I woke up in the hospital.

 

"I respectfully request a day of sick leave."

Bai nenica ,ori esti dac motors(am gresit si am pus litere mici)si vb.in limba dacilor sau a urmasilor acestora,ori baga in alta parte ca sa ta inteleaga numai cei de o LIMBAAAAAAA cu tine.

[marius_stp]

Bai nenica ,ori esti dac motors(am gresit si am pus litere mici)si vb.in limba dacilor sau a urmasilor acestora,ori baga in alta parte ca sa ta inteleaga numai cei de o LIMBAAAAAAA cu tine.

Asta e forum de interes international

Pot sa persupun ca macar 50% din cei care intra aici pricep engleza si nu cred ca e cazul sa traducem fiecare banc in limba noastra draga..

[uncle]

tren in Bangkok Editat Decembrie 6, 2007 de uncle

[sharpe]

Bai nenica ,ori esti dac motors(am gresit si am pus litere mici)si vb.in limba dacilor sau a urmasilor acestora,ori baga in alta parte ca sa ta inteleaga numai cei de o LIMBAAAAAAA cu tine.

frustrat...poate intelegi franceza?

 

ontopic: vin pe usb

 

astept versiunea firewire (sa vina tuica fiarta direct )

Editat Decembrie 7, 2007 de sharpe